I like it on the train

So I was browsing around when suddenly something caught my eye:

Damn, how hentai is that? Little school girl in uniform, getting off on rubbing sensations from the train... and then possibly passengers on board, getting off on knowing that they are now passing under a giant panty... how radical must a country be to allow this kind of architecture?! 

This naughty photograph was accompanied by an article titled, "Godless Japanese Unveil Heathen Anime Sex Train Technology Idol", an angry rant by an ex-missionary who claimed to have served in Japan. 

There are just too many hilarious parts to quote here, so give the article a quick view first. Here's my fav part:

When doing missionary work in Japan, I endured everything from being accosted by a tv celebrity named “Hard Gay” at a tea house, to even getting precariously trapped and having to quickly flee a village during a spontaneous, weird tribal naked man march.

Haha! Must be challenging, eh, having to flee at such times... Oooh. And imagine, Hard Gay accosting a preacher. If you DO NOT know who Hard Gay is, then it is my pleasure to introduce you to this awesome perverted character:

Hahaha! Anyway, back to the statue. Despite the semangatness of the author, who claimed to have gotten this picture from his "sources" in Japan... it is with utter sadnosity that I am typing right now to tell you that in fact, the picture is only a really good photoshop job. Boo hoo. Someone did it as a joke, and it just got circulated around the internet. Mad photoshop skills though.

But speaking of perverts and trains... here's a totally mengada Japanese game show clip. I don't understand Japanese, but anyway, an old guy is seen here, sliding on top of a "train" of squealing, well-lubed girls. Oh, how geli is this for me watch... but I bet how fun, kan, for that old uncle to experience.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Look at his happy face.

I'm not sure, though, if I'll ever allow my man (if I ever own one) to enter this kind of game show when we're old. Unless it features a train of flabby, wrinkly ladies instead, and I'm allowed to participate. OR, if the game is done in reverse as well, where us ancient ladies would get to be slides for some young meat on the show. Yum. Barulah adil.

xoxo
Aku Yg Berdosa. 

Naughty Halloween

It's Halloween this weekend. It's a day when mustard can flirt with ketchup, Power Rangers can hook up with Pocahontas, Doraemon can have sex with Little Mermaid etc etc because nobody cares; you can dress up or down as you wish.

pumpkinny butt

I know not many of us Malaysians actually celebrate Halloween. Other than having to pay for costumes, I don't have anything against celebrating it. It's just another overrated, highly commercialized occasion and an excuse for people to party like there's no tomorrow. Nevertheless, I have to say, I like the idea of having a little private Halloween bedroom party with my playmate every once in a while.

must have stolen the idea from The Wayward Cloud.

The simplest and cheapest costume has got to be the Adam and Eve couple costume. Strictly speaking, it's not even a costume because all you need is some leaves to cover private parts that eventually will be exposed anyway. Of course this costume is highly recommended for those with a reasonably good figure and killer abs. Most would prefer people to show less of their flabby sides. But what do we know? Maybe they didn't have a model-like figure either. I'd say, go for it people, but post your pictures online only if you have an arousing figure.

Here's an idea: instead of using actual or plastic leaves, why not cut out leaf-shaped seaweed sheets (for sushi). That way, not only will it serve as a cover for the exclusive zones, it's also edible when it comes to some intimate time with your hungry beloved.

Notice what's being implied here? The guy's private is too long that he needed such a big leaf. *curious*

If you're tired of being a living soul, try the inanimate Plug-n-Socket and Key-n-Lock. I want to be the plug/key just to see what it's like to have something hanging down there and how it feels to be the giver for once. More importantly, I want my man to know how it feels to be the receiver. Will try not to do it too often in case my man becomes too addicted and that brings out his original gay self that he's been trying to hide. I admit I occasionally imagine having a gay bf, but I don't want to be sharing him with another man....unless the other man is burning hot and he'll serve me too. Now, that's a dilemma...hmmm..

Socket: Come here you

what's up with the key?

If couple stuffs are too cheesy for you and/or you don't like the typical police, nurse, cell-mate, pirate, devil costumes, how about traditional costumes and less conventional outfits? Might take a little more effort and money to find the right costume, but the exotic experience is priceless.


A scene from Sex & Zen

If you want to stick to the original, go ahead and put on (or request your partner) the traditional geisha makeup

aha! a male nurse finally :D

Almost any outfit for ladies can turn into a sexy costume, but it's so much harder for guys' costumes to be sexy and not gaudy. Sigh. The world's too kind to men. Men get to see things that turn them on more often than us. Unfairness. But hey, I know one costume that would turn me on for sure.

It's not a secret that I have something for plumbers. I know most plumbers are nothing close to sexy but Mike Delfino in Desperate Housewives is definitely one hot plumber. Imagine a man with a body as good as his shows up at my doorstep wearing something like this and tells me that he's here to repair my leaking pipe. Oh God. Another 'pipe'  just leaked because of you, Mike.

I can call this a plumber costume if I want to

The point is, if you love to have fun and some variety in your bedroom, any day any time can be Halloween. Why wait for Halloween to be playful and dress up as someone you are not? It's not illegal to pretend to be a fireman/woman in your bedroom and it's justified because you're putting out the fire in your partner who's burning with desire.

Waiting for the perfect plumber,

aku yg tak insaf

Sexy Sushy

I've heard some complaints about the lack of food posts in this blog for quite some time. In fact (excluding the brief mention of aiskrim batang by aku yg berdosa in her raya post), the word "food" was last seen in Steamy Food; it was, however, minimally related to food.

So today, I'm inviting you to join me for a sushi feast. Irashaimase!

Two words that you should learn before ordering: Nyotaimori and Nantaimori

Nyo = woman  ;  Nan = man
tai = body
mori = arrangement

When you combine them, what you get is (sushi) arrangement on a woman's/man's body. Needless to say, the body has to be naked, baru la best. Some people call it body sushi or flash sushi. Apparently, in Japan, you can only find this in sketchy nightclubs owned by local gangsters. Outside of its country of origin, this practice is mostly used as a marketing gimmick.

Nyotaimori

Nantaimori (quite inviting, but can't see his face. hmm..)

orgasm roll! 

Other than having to stay naked, what makes this probably the easiest job in the world, is the rule that customers are not allowed to speak to, let alone touch, the model. So the model is essentially paid to baring only. Even with the elaboration of what the job requires, it still sounds like an extremely simple and perfectly malas job.

"Jobs in nyotaimori are not for the ticklish or fidgety. Models are trained to lie still for hours, and they must be able to endure unexpected splashes of cold water and prods with chopsticks. Her body must be completely shaved, and specially washed with fragrance-free soap before the feast. Traditionally, the meal is eaten directly from the skin of the model, but hygiene laws in many countries prevent this – forcing restaurants to wrap their girls in clingfilm to prevent contact between skin and food. According to custom, the model should be a virgin, but this doesn’t seem to be observed any more."

~japanfortheuninvited.com

nope, don't even think about it. her breasts are not to be eaten

a bit bony. i like man boobs, remember?

Godsend

can't decide if this is a nyo- or nan-

I don't think any Japanese restaurant in Malaysia offers this service. But in US and UK, the price for attending a nyotaimori/nantaimori night could range from USD 75 (RM 220) up to 250 pound (RM 1230). S-I-O-T. In case you wonder what a naked sushi night might look like but can never afford to (or will never be willing to) pay for this luxury:

Naked Sushi Premier-Nyotaimori Http://www.wix.com/nakedsushi/the-art-of - Click here for more blooper videos

A more cost-effective way is to get sushi from supermarkets or restaurants (if you're particular about Japanese food, like me) and plate it out on your or your partner's body. There are of course risks that come along with homemade naked sushi night...

Just like Samantha Jones in Sex and the City who wanted to give her bf a Valentine's surprise but the bf didn't show up that night.

and the naughty Bruno (how can you not love his rudeness and craziness)

Bruno Pranks La Toya Jackson: Deleted Scene from the DVD & Blu-ray Release. - The best video clips are right here

If you're in California or Vegas and are looking for someone to cater for your bachelor's party or your baby's birthday, you may want to consider this.

So, are you ready to order now? I am. 5 Nantaimori to go please.

Itadakimasu,
aku yg tak insaf

For more videos:
Naked Sushi Event @ Okawa Sushi & Grill
Naked Sushi - Body Sushi (with Andrew Zimmern of Bizzare Foods)
Rude Sushi

Get out of your bed: Sexing in a car

This is the first post of the Get-out-of-your-bed series. I know some of you guys are very experienced and probably don't need any more tips since there are so many "How to" articles available online that teach you how to have sex in different places. So, the main purpose of this series is to remind you/us the importance of exploring alternative playgrounds outside of your bedroom and of the options we have even when we are bounded by so many limitations because of the country we live in.

For no particular reason, I choose to kick start the series with car sex.

Where? Depends on how adventurous you are.

Seaside and top of the hill where you can get the best view of your city
:)  Skemaly romantic. Girls will appreciate your effort in creating a romantic atmosphere and fulfilling their desires to be loved like those female characters in dramas
:(  If you choose a popular make-out spot, chances are there'll be dozens of other couples trying to out-wait each other and see who can get the final victory. Good luck

Parking lots
not all parking lots are safe. some are too public, some are maintained by rajin pak guards who make rounds so frequent that you don't even get the chance to korek hidung, some have the brightest lighting possible etc etc.
:)   I think the safest might be the less popular stops (R&R with only restrooms...no gerai or anything) along the highway. Definitely dark and deserted. It's likely that you can get away and complete the activity without anyone knocking on your car's window. But beware of makcik yg jual karipap *sinister laugh*
:(   But if you're unlucky, truck/lorry drivers might drive into these parking lots with their headlights on. Try imagining what the drivers can see from their angle, with the help of the headlights and height of the truck. Yeah, no fun.

Anywhere
:)   If you're feeling brave, then you can basically have car sex anywhere you want. If you're daring enough, you may even choose a relatively public spot. You can get basic protection by having tinted windows, temporary curtains, and long deep breaths during sex to fog the window (like Jack and Rose's steamy scene in Titanic. can never forget the hand slipping down the foggy window)

:(   Be prepared to face the consequences of getting caught. Malaysia, especially, has very specific car window tint regulations.


Potential hazards aka shit happens:

Mild



Not a problem at all for those of you who are not using your parents' car anymore. But if you are still at that stage, just bring it to a snow car wash after the activity.

Medium

We can't afford to be caught in action in Malaysia. You know what you're getting into if you kena tangkap by the authorities. It's not just about someone sneaking around with a camcorder to scare dating couples with the standard, rude opening question "dah kahwin belum?" and posting the video on youtube. Equally disturbing is the possibility of pranksters taking photos when you least expect it and end up like these people:

Extreme

A couple in Charleston, West Virginia, US got into a car crash because the girl was BJing the guy when he was driving. In a more extreme case, a Moscow couple died while having sex in a car. They left the engine on while they were getting it on to keep themselves warm in a cold night. Haizz..did it slip their minds that sex itself, even if it's not hot, is a source of energy? You can die to have sex but don't die because of sex.


Additional resources
1. Carma Sutra: The auto-erotic handbook

If you're that into car sex , here's the ultimate manual that can help you make the most out of it. It's 80 pages long with, of course, positions that you can attempt and the coolest thing is, it offers advice that are model-specific. Guess it's not that useful if you have a kancil, kerisa and all the non-international cars. But hey, it's only USD 5+ (about RM18 now). All you need is to be a little more creative and you'll experience the fun and pleasure that are definitely worth more than the cost of the book.

2. Manual from the Czech edition of the Maxim magazine
http://www.funtasticus.com/2007/10/09/carasutra/
This manual looks like the typical in-flight safety brochure that nobody bothers to read. Probably just a snippet of the real manual but it's still good as a quick and dirty review of the positions that you can try (plus it's free, so don't be picky). I like the label "airbag" coz it really captures the essence of the position. Too bad if your partner doesn't have the properties of an air bag..like this lady....

looking forward to pleasurable roadtrips with my man,

aku yg tak insaf

Sex Around The World: South Korea

Welcome on board to the Diediemustlove cruise. We'll be traveling around the world and visiting places you'll never reach, if you tend to travel with the regular shiok sendiri tour guides. Our first stop is South Korea. (Special thanks to passenger l.w.s. for suggesting the first destination. Otherwise, given my indecisiveness, the cruise will stay in the harbor till whenever).

We've now reached Jeju Loveland, home to 150 fun-loving statues. According to the officials, it's recommended that we spare 40 mins during the day and 50 mins at night if you want to say hi to all the statutes. Hmm..ni mesti ada something naughty that will happen only at night...

Admission is only 7000 Won (approx. RM19) If you're under 18, then forget it. go play at the park for kids, don't kacau adults have fun. Shooooo.. For gatal but kedekut parents, here's a good news: it's free for kids under 12 if they enter the park with you. Teachers can also use the excuse of lawatan sambil belajar to visit this place with their students. After all, the founder used the same excuse (sex education) to justify the opening of this Loveland

Loveland's Mascots: Bulkkeuni (left) Ssaekkeuni (right)

Threesome redefined

OVER but want to try this anyhow

Thankfully, not all statues are like the upper part of this picture.

want my man to wrap his thing like a present

why trouble yourself like this?



Despite the big tummy, this guy has very strong thighs and butt. I like :)



Notice the different sizes of pipes. I wonder if they differ in terms of volume, water flow speed, quality of water....

oi, gatal

Looks like she's giving herself the ultimate orgasm 

a perfect opportunity to put in the wrong hole

Hulk's digging gold

two batangs that love each other too much

Even the arrow sign is so sensual

The happening peephole in the restroom..

Dah habis touring, now let's get some souvenirs . No, don't lie to yourself. You don't want those useless mugs, t-shirts, key chains.Get what you really want from the sex shop and then we need to get going.

Before we leave, let's take a group picture. Say annyong ("hello" in korean)

travel.ninemsn.com.au

Here's a free postcard specially made by our crew to thank you for traveling with Diediemustlove.

the owner of the imaginary SteamyLand,
aku yg tak insaf

p/s for the definition of copycat: read this. the bomb is in the final paragraph.

Links to more pictures for the interested gatals:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hayncandi808/sets/72157617360182160/
http://travel.webshots.com/album/566998414HIizcp?start=0
http://good-times.webshots.com/album/558226491bFrOOL

We really appreciate recommendations, suggestions or any info that's related to our theme here in Kau Greasy, Aku Steamy and we would love to hear more from our dear visitors! Drop us emails, message in the chatbox/fb/myspace or comments like some of you sports here and we'll liberate your inner desires. 

Sex and Zen: Behold the scenes

This is a must watch especially if you are curious what would happen if Stephen Chow directs a pornographic film...

Sex and Zen (1991) 

shareseeking.com

You can probably tell from the poster that the setting is in ancient China but don't start thinking that the sex will be boring with the girls acting decent and malu2. Quite the opposite, actually.You can find almost all the elements of a soft porn in this sex comedy: girl(s) on girl(s), group sex, s&m, bondage, sex toys...and even animal sex. Yeah, they went this far. They didn't call it a classic for no reason. Let's take a quick peek:

Sex and Zen Free and Money New Movie - Funny videos are here

It's a story about a married scholar who felt unfulfilled, thinking there should be something better out there. So he decided to leave his wife behind at home and go on a research trip to learn more about sex...with other women. During the journey, he met a thief who later agreed to teach him how to break into houses unnoticed so that the scholar can sneak into people's bedrooms and sleep with their wives. But one day, by chance, the thief ternampak the scholar's XS batang and suggested that he should get a bigger one before he start curi people's wife. Taking the advice, the scholar got himself a horse penis and he was all happy and ready to start his sex adventures. Meanwhile, kesian the wife sorang2 at home. From a virgin who's disgusted by sex to a woman who enjoyed the great pleasures from sex with her husband, she's now so horny and lonely that she engaged in creative masturbation (which will be described in greater details lepas ni) and an affair with her gardener. She later got pregnant, ran away with the gardener, and was forced into prostitution. The story didn't end here. The scholar became sick due to having too much sex and had to be treated by a famous prostitute (uncoincidentally, his wife) but they couldn't recognize each other because in the wife's memory, the husband didn't have a XXXL batang while the husband's too rabun due to the illness to even see her face clearly...

Despite the merepekness of the movie, there's actually an ajaran behind it and you should watch the movie to find out what happens in the end and the moral behind the story.

On to the individual sex scenes.....

1. The wife's creative masturbation
To me...it's the most memorable scene. Given the setting of the story, I think that's the best possible way to satisfy her nafsu. She err...used a paintbrush (the calligraphy type) to masturbate. Can you imagine that? There was a split second in the trailer that showed the scene. She basically inserted the keras end of the brush inside her hole and jumped around the canvas and ended up making buruk paintings while masturbating. By the way, she also used her underground fluid to write a letter to her husband to tell him how much she missed him. Romantic nye. Maybe I should collect mine and put it in a bottle for my future husband to drink whenever he's thirsty at work...

2. The horse penis
The idea is ridiculous, I know. But there's nothing wrong with letting your imagination run a little too wild sometimes. You guys must have imagined having a bigger batang at some point in your life but whether or not you act on those wild thoughts is another thing. Since there were no such things as penis enlargement surgery, pills or related products at that time, the scholar could only listen to the thief's advice and get himself a horse penis. No big deal. But kesian pulak the horse's wife because the husband lost his penis and being a loyal wife, her husband's penis is all she ever wanted. So she terpaksa looked for the husband's batang, which already belonged to the scholar...and *roaring of thunder* the scholar had to pay back and layan the horny mare. neeeeyyyyyy

3. Intense sex in the bathtub
If you didn't notice a bathtub scene in the trailer, go back to play the video around 1:24. You can see the scholar's wife making movements yang over2 as if she's riding a dragon in the tub. That's the scene where she hooked up with the gardener. Before that she was masturbating with a brush (again) and her sound of pleasure caught the attention of the gardener who was dutifully doing his job outside. His interruption was unwelcomed at first but he soon convinced the horny lady with his amazing sex-in-the-underwater skills. What could be considered a rape turned into an intense and beautiful sex between the two. Too bad the modern bathtubs are not deep enough for us to try this. If I'm not rich enough to have a jacuzzi at home, I'll get a bamboo tong besar like this.

junjaowka.com

4. Of cloth and ladder
This is sex between the scholar and one of the women he curi. The sex is so sensual and passionate that it's almost love-making, except there's no love between the parties involved. The woman is the wife of a cloth shop tauke, which kinda justify the importance of the red cloth. Red is sexy, that's one thing..the other is just to mengharamkan lagi the act of stealing someone's wife -- having sex with the man's wife in his territory and on his inventory. One thing that's really over in this scene is when the scholar had to use a ladder to help him with the intercourse because kononnye now his penis dah too long for him to do it the normal way. Sometimes I think I don't want my man's thing to be too long, coz then there's no reason for him to not stay close to me during the act.

5. girls playing flute
nothing special if the girls are just playing flute with their lips. yes, it can be seductive to guys because it's sexy and whatnot..but they brought the flute to a place that it's never been before. I'm too straight to try this but feel free to try it if you're interested and/or if you're still keeping the flute you played in the band masa sekolah menengah. might as well kan especially if you're not playing it anymore and dah biar the flute in the storage for a long time. Don't forget to clear the dust though

cine-hk.chez-alice.fr

Alrighty, now some bonus trivia about the movie pulak.

1. If you're a Hongkong Drama fan, you should find the scholar familiar. He's Lawrence Ng, famous at one point because of the dramas "Healing Hands" I, II and III, in which he played the role of a decent doctor. But he appeared in Sex and Zen before the dramas and according to wiki, "Lawrence Ng once mentioned in an interview that he was embarrassed for having made the film and wishes that he instead be known for his serious character roles in modern and period drama TV series." Poor thing.

staging.mysoju.com

2. The tauke of the cloth shop should be a familiar face to you, if you love Chinese slapstick comedies especially in the 90s. Real name: Elvis Tsui Kam-Kong. Appeared in: Ten Brothers, some of the movies in God of Gamblers series, played monks in a few movies etc.

ent.sina.com.cn

3. The scholar's wife (Amy Yip) was famous for her great body, especially her boobs. The scholar can testify for her. Towards the end when he met his wife again in the brothel, he said "I've become suspicious as I was fondling your breast. I've been all over the world but there's no woman who had slim body but big breast like my wife". Amy Yip was a real sex goddess at that time; every guy fantasized about her. She was so famous that people started selling big pau named after her. It's called the "Amy Yip big bun". I might be wrong about this, but I think the bun only exists in Malaysia. Lucky us. If you wanna try it, the address is: No.25, Jalan13/142,Taman Orkid Desa,Cheras 56000 KL. However, if you're rajin and want to DIY, you can put whatever ingredients you want in the pau and make it a G- or H- or N-cup bun. nobody cares.

photo.blog.sina.com.cn

homemade 45G (just a guess judging by the size) Amy Yip Big Bun

 4. I didn't watch Sex and Zen II (Shu Qi's in it) and III. I may or may not watch it later but I'm definitely excited about the 3D Sex and Zen which is hopefully coming out next May. Apparently the first 3D porno ever. Can't wait! Jom watch ramai2 when the movie's out

Another bonus, just in case this long post wasn't enough to arouse your interest. It's also a trailer but with different scenes plus a totally kecoh Cantonese narrator.


Sex and Zen Theatrical Trailer
Uploaded by the_grey_pirate. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

Craziness: 9/10
Plot: 5/10
Sex: 8.5/10

yang tengah rasa nak attack man boobs,
aku yang tak insaf