The Void

I've listed down a list of excuses for my inexcusable absence here, but that'll make for a long-winded entry. So.

Keeping this short and simple, what is sex for other than to make babies / occupy time?

I give you 10 seconds to make a list of 10 reasons. Please leave your answer in the comment box below.


PS. If you're not doing it, then you might as well read about it:

In which a cancer patient would rather die than not have sex 

In which two married Singaporeans have no idea what sex is after 12 years of marriage

In which Canadian ladies are not choosy of semen 

In which these female bloggers are more attention seeking than us

In which guys can use this excuse for boob-slapping

And if you want to be doing it here's how not to go about it:

Flirting at the office

Yes, let's. 

AYB.

Sex and Lucía (2001)

Yes people. Believe the tagline. The only thing running through my mind while watching this was, Damn, how I wish I have a boyfriend husband right now so I could do *this* and *that* to/with him. The things running through ATI's mind... I wasn't sure. Coz she fell asleep while watching this, that mad woman.

It's been a long time, (few months ago) so I don't remember the details very much. But I didn't forget how beautiful, sexy and crazy this movie was. Dark too, it opens with a girl receiving a call telling her that her a 'roommate' had just committed suicide. But then the movie cuts to a scene in the past, where two strangers were seen kissing and humping passionately under a full moon, in the freaking ocean. Probably somewhere in the Mediterranean. They were like mermaids, soft blue lights and shadows reflected on their body. It looked magical and freaking awesome. It was the girl's birthday, and later after what seemed like a very satisfying orgasm for both, the guy asked about her name, age, where she lived etc... but the girl refused as she wanted the encounter to remain mysterious. 

The movie moves between timelines in a very stylistic manner. So the storyline keeps you guessing, guessing till the end.. Fast forward a few years, we learn that the guy is a writer yang tengah ketandusan idea. But this lucky fellow soon met a muse in the form of a young fan who is not only pretty but worships him as well (Lucia acted by Paz Vega). You know what happens next.

Satisfied.

They went on to have a love affair and a sexual relationship that most people would be envious of (including yours truly). Seriously, how did the director/screenwriter come up with such creative erotic scenes yang sexy tanpa kelihatan softcore? Some of it weren't new, but they manage to come up with fresh ways of presenting sexual obsession. My favorites were (semangat pulak lah nak cerita):

1. Naked romp on kitchen table, blindfolded. Before that, Lucia woke her guy up by feeding him her lovely parts... you know where.

Sekadar gambar hiasan cause baby this looks goood.

2. Polaroids taken of intimate poses/ body parts while they were having sexytime. Masa pegi dating in public, they sneakily take out the polaroid pics to tease and remind each other of the naughty times.

[Source]

3. Striptease by gf that was hot, followed by the bf's strip which was adorable as hell. Sigh. I'll put the clips down here. Whoever can achieve this kind of cuteness in front of me I'll definitely [censored] him.

Paz Vega as Lucia strip in Sex and Lucia

Dark comedy + psychological thriller + unbelievably high class fap material. Lots of drama (ie. stepfather, daughter and mother love triangle), passion dan sebagainya that wraps you in and gets you confused at times, but you'll enjoy it. Plus the soundtrack and shooting locations were heavenly. I mean, tell me this view doesn't turn you on.

Me too, Lucia. Me too. 

Oh so jealous,
Sexless and AYB

Jangan Nakal-Nakal

Uno: 

Creepy finger placement. Mila Kunis at a photocall for Friends with Benefits in Berlin. (July 29, 2011) [Source]

Dos: 

Sad, creepy and weird story of a guy who ejaculated into his coworker's tumblr. The girl discovered his semen in it after she sent her drinking water for a DNA test. Lallana "felt that was as close as he could get" to the 29-year-old executive assistant, said Deputy District Attorney Brock Zimmon. [Read More Here]

The 32-year old from Fullerton admitted that he ejaculated into an "attractive" co-worker's water bottle because "her lips had touched it." 

This is a reminder to us all, tolong jangan leave your botol air sesuka hati! Also, don't think I can't find you if you've ejaculated into my water. Yucks.

Also lazy, 

Aku Yg Berdosa

E-Mage

In one of her posts, Aku Tak Insaf mentioned how fat she's feeling recently, and sempat juga memerli I dengan mengatakan bahawa I dah kurus. She's definitely one of the most dramatic person I've known my entire life. Memang all girls have the tendency to create drama especially when talking about their physical appearance. Sometimes I feel kesian that guys (or other girls) have to bear with this kind of nonsense. But then again, you can also think of it as a kind of leverage for them. For example, when the bf sees that gf has obviously gained weight and is stressed about it, the bf can say, "Eh, suka la you nampak dah chubby sket. Finally!" She may pretend to not believe you, but trust me, a little sweetness sometimes can go a long way. After all, you are the ones responsible for our poor body image.

Personally, I'm trying to ignore my own obsession with how fat I look. So now I avoid looking below my neckline in the mirror. Tapi, tiba2 pulak I ter-over focus on my own face, and more and more notice how "mature" I look now. Hated the fact that once, ade orang yang berani call I "Puan" even though I am only in my early twenties. Siapalah yang tak reti nak pakai spek mata tu? Oh, betapa terguris nya hatiku! Now I know why it is rude for guys not to ask the age of a lady. But what can I do, I sendiri pun tak layak nak diconsider a lady.

To console my poor soul, I reminded myself over and over that AGE and SIZE does not matter! Nasib baik this is proven when Helen Mirren was voted to have Body of the Year recently. Despite being 66yrs old, nenek ni berjaya come out on top of the list of hotness mengalahkan other younger stars, sekaligus membuktikan yang ATI and myself pun hot stuff yg hot on the market jugak! Kita mmg umpama pau kacang yang steamy dan char kuey tiao yang greasy. Rambut Helen Mirren pun full of uban, so thank God, that also means we don't need to worry about our sneaky uban problem now! FYI Helen also starred in movies were younger men fell in love with older women (a dream of ATI), like A French Gigolo. So there you go. You need not worry about getting old or getting out of shape, gierls!

 http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/gossip/2011/08/helen-mirren-body-of-the-year-poll-david-beckham.html

Yg Hot (self assigned),

Puan Aku Yg Berdosa

Mice & Easy

Amboi ATI. Hidup lagi you ye! Where did you go?! My online messages tak balas, my SMS pun tak balas. Thank God I checked this blog today, despite kelajuan internet I yang sangat tak memberangsangkan. Thank you sebab ade mention I in your post, menunjukkan that you still haven't forgotten me yet *sedih*. Namun I nak clarifykan lah kan, your tuduhan is only 50% betul je. Although it is true that I have no life right now, I still have drafts lined up okay! I takkan pernah lupakan blog ini! *Drama*

Not that you people care anyway, right? Di bulan yang mulia ni, I'm sure korang busy mengawal nafsu and melayan dugaan yang datang dalam bentuk sirap bandung, cendol, agar-agar milo, bubur cha-cha, ayam percik... dan lain-lain kan? Ha... duduk depan laptop tu Kak Jah. Jangan nak pegi bukak peti ais eh! Habiskan bace post ni dulu.

*Clears throat* 

It seems that this month is not only important for Muslims - according to the Ethnic Chinese lunar calendar, this coming Saturday will be the day to celebrate Valentine's Day (in Taiwan at least). As reported in Malaysia Chronicle, crowds of singles have already been observed at the Xiahai City God temple in Taipei, where they pray to the God of Matchmaking. Apparently akak-akak and abang-abang datang from all over the world to make sure that they will have someone to spend time with. Contohnye, this one Japanese tourist who said, dengan nada yang agak urgent,

"I read guidebook about Taipei. And according to the guidebook, this place is good for love, so I come here. I need a boyfriend." 

Cara untuk make your wish to the God, according a staff referred to as Wu: "You need to tell the God your name, birth date, address and what kind of person you're looking for. If you already have someone in mind, then pray for the relationship to go smoothly." Wah so sistematik. Address pun dia take note. Macam boleh caya je! Tapi dengan bangganya, Wu ni cakap, temple tu dah couplekan lebih 50,000 abangs and akaks in the past 10 years. Iyelah~

"according to chinese folklore, the matchmaking god Yue Xia Lao (月下老) ties a string around the ankles of people destined to be soulmates. the two people connected by a red string of fate (紅線) are destined lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. the string may tangle or stretch but never break." [source]

The most LOL was this comment from an anonymous abang: "Since I'm busy with work, so I'm hoping the God of Matchmaking can help me find a nice girl." Wonder siapa yang akan kena tied to him. Kesian if the girl jenis superglue and takkan dapat attention because of his busy-ness. 

But back to ATI -- don't tell me you tak angkat my calls sebab you're actually in Taiwan? 


To me, I don't think single life is all that bad. Females especially, takyah nak risau sangat that you will be condemned to a foreveralonetanpalelaki life, because now scientists have discovered a way to make sperm. ATI memang confirm la tak payah nak risau, since she is easily approached by men, terutamanya Middle Easterners *TRUE STORY more on this later*. The only drawback is that dorang belum cuba the experiment on humans yet, baru guna mice je. But it was so successful with the mice, that they are confident yang ada harapan for this to work on other mammals. Tapi kalau only work on mice pun, ATI still at an advantage jugak (inside joke but I will tell if you ask). Damn lucky her.


Yg makin gemuk even though puasa, 
Aku Yang Berdosa

Daddy's Day Part 2

Yes, Happy Father's Day to those of you celebrate. But please don't do so watching Lolita-type of movies ok.

Actually this is more for aku yang tak insaf, since now she is not only (temporarily) real dad-less, 

but also sudah menyuarakan hasrat to find a sugar daddy prince in that latest post. 

My my, aku yg tak insaf. Itu sudah tahap critical tu. 

Remember patience is half of your iman babe.

But tak apalah. Because I know she wouldn't stray, 

she wouldn't be able to, since her Muslim prince

will be of the modern-but-still-alim-sedikit kind. 

The kind that will magically make her vibrator disappear maybe, 

or the kind that is like a rugby superstar who poses for pictures on a praying mat, 

some kind of hot pencegah maksiat guy. 

Exhibit A: Pro ball-handler Bachar Houli. On a praying mat.

Yes, pencegah maksiat, but hot. You know how aku yg tak insaf is. 

She keeps complaining of the weather, "tak tahan panas" or "oh my god panasnye," 

but give her pictures of lelaki panas, oh terus je cool down. 

By the way, if you're as into muslims as ATI is, you can give MuslimHunks.blogspot.com a looksie, 

or maybe even bookmark it (as I'm sure ATI did). But the question is, halal ke? 

As you ponder upon that for a while, ATI, 

let me get back to the topic here. For a daddy-less ATI, 

here's a music video by newly-formed dancing boy-band from East Russia, "Kazaky"

which I think you would enjoy,

In the Middle? Hmm. Pusat ke? 

Also, since I juga sympathize dengan kepanasan you di sana, here's something to cool you down further. 

Manis nye! Oh yes, can I have whip cream to go with that please? Thanks.

First stanza lyrics for sing-along:

Meet me at the ice cream truck 

I'll be you an ice cream 
I'll whip out my Drumstick 
that will make your eyes gleam
lick it up quick - before it melts on the floor
I got it!
Uno-dos-tres-quatro 
Gimme some more
Okay! :)

Slurp. Coincidence: my favorite ice-cream is the Drumstick.

In case the videos above proved too modern for you, nah yang ni -

More pakcik-desi (inside joke, real-life sweetheart) type, no? Imagine you and him, duet lagu ni. The lyrics apply well to your situation, too, don't they ATI?

My heart stops, when you look at me
Just one touch, now Baby I believe,
This is real,
So take a chance and don't ever look back
Don't ever look back!


Can't wait for my ice-cream,
Aku Yang Berdosa

Last Night, She Said

"Aku memang suka loud sex pun." - ATI

So one couple (note: married) will rent ATI's bedroom for quite some time. Her concern was that her bed creaks. Y'know, like bila kau baring atas tu and pusing-pusing, dia bunyik cam krek - krok - krek - kreek. "So camne kalo couple tu nak have sexitime?" asks ATI, sambil baring and testing2 bunyik katil dia dengan ganas - pegang bedpost, goyang-goyang. Hit her head against the pillow several times. Moved her butt up and down till the bed damn gegar. Testing yang kira intense la.

I told her, "Dude, kalo laki tu skillful enough kau can do it slowly la dey. Tak pun on the floor ke. On the chair while sitting down ke. Mana-mana lah."

"Hm. Takpelah. Aku memang suka loud sex pun."

Well ATI, as long as you don't do it while I'm next door I won't do this to you.

Totally unrelated but aku nak_cake_ni. It's a divorce cake, and I want it for my future contract-wedding. That's right, if I'm going to have to get married, might as well make it a contract one. Also, nak_cake_ni boleh jadi korang nye YM chatroom id. Bak kata our friend yang tak cakap Melayu but knows what "nak" means, why do most YM people have "nak" in their nicknames? Jawab. 

I feel like doing a post on FB's soon. Not Facebook, the other FB.

No X's and no O's.
AYB

The Virgin Monologues

Finally. After a few months of letting A.T.I nonchalantly spread lies about me (semen in my hand, semen in hair, semen everywhere), I am now back from the dead, and trust me, hi-protein be damned - I will be washing my hands, hair and body clean from those sticky slander. It's time to set course straight, one post at a time.

The subject of virginity is a real touchy-feely one. Yadayadayada, yeah I pun dah takde mood nak preach about this, so I'll just list down the points I have so far:

- Hymen restoration now a norm in Iran to obtain "virginity certificate" required by many families before marriage. Damn over tak leh blah langsung. This procedure is popular among divorced women who wanted to hide their previous marriage. Sigh. Perlu sangat ke per semua ni?

Total double standard, cam this BMW iklan I got from that link ATI posted.

You know you're not the first

- The hymen can be torn way before a girl's first intercourse. Fact la dey.

- Bleeding during sex is most often caused by not having enough lubrication aka Tak Cukup Turned-On

- Accept/ respect your perempuan seadanya. You may think she's not a virgin from the way she speaks padahal she is just a perempuan yang suka browse Internet or tengok steamy movies or tulis blog or just gatal but doesn't wanna admit it in general (banyak je leh list down kat sini). Pendek cite just love her for who she is. Jangan just nak belajar Maths so you can learn how to divide her parts if you know what I mean.

- Once you start to masturbate, you're technically not a virgin anymore. This applies to both sexes. Both pun sometimes equally gatal. Life is short. Be happy. Get over it. (But don't disrespect your parents/beliefs/society. Tak suroh pun ey.)


Yang suddenly so sampat & bitter at da same time,
Aku Yang Berdosa

Educational Stimulation

It is not very often that one can turn on their laptop and get shaken off their seats (yes, pun very intended). But this was what happened to me when I heard of what happened to Northwestern University's diligent human sexuality course students. The 600-student class taught by Professor John Michael Bailey, a man of controversy himself, is now facing media scrutiny after Bailey held a live sex demonstration on campus during an optional extracurricular evening session for his course. The 120 lucky students who attended were shown the whole deal, from arousal, to penetration, to playful times with a sex toy referred to as The "Fucksaw"(please imagine Morgan Freeman's voice saying that). The kinky machine was manned by an unnamed female model who "grabbed the mic - and explained that she had a fetish for being watched by large crowds while having an orgasm" according to one Sean Lavery, a mere freshman (first year student) at NU. She was also generously assisted for the most part of the show by her boyfriend.

The educators.

The man who narrated the explosive show, Ken Melvoin-Berg, co-owner and tour guide of the Weird Chicago Tours headed by the "Network for Kinky People" panel commented that "It was a fun and educational experience. The students seemed to be incredibly pleased. We had a number of them that got closer and closer." Hell yeah! If Aku Tak Insaf were there, I bet she'd be photographed standing front-stage, her nose just inches from all that hard sawing action. To quote Bailey, as he defended his class material, "sticks and stones may break your bones, but watching naked people doing pleasurable things on stage will never hurt you."

[Source]

I'd have to say, the Prof. seemed to really know what he's doing to attract people to his class. His optional class sessions features have include "The Gay Guys Panel" sessions (where gay men talk about their sex lives), transgender performers, sex offenders, and a discussion session with a swinging couple -- now that's educational. Bailey, who was in fact Chair of Psychology at NU had also published a controversial book titled The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender Bending and Transsexualism in which he discussed homosexuality as an inherited trait, and the idea of there being two kinds of transsexualism. Is there really? I have no idea, will have to pick up that book soon by the look of things.

Ahh, yes. Now on to the fucksaw. Here's what the monster that's able to provide "up to 2500 strokes per minute" looks like, for those who are curious (and yes, that includes you, ATI).

[Source]

Melvoin-Berg, rated by Time-Out magazine as "Best Tour Guide in Chicago" is also in fact tweeting away about the splish-splash right now, with #fucksaw trending in Twitter at the moment.

The tour guide (twitter profile pic)

He also has a Myspace, should you be planning to visit Chicago anytime soon, and think you'd be interested in one of the Weird Tours (Crime Tour, Weird Tour, Sex Tour). An interesting excerpt taken from the profile page:

"Ken Melvoin-Berg is a psychic detective that works with law enforcement agencies assisting with murder suspect cases and gives private psychic readings. He also teaches classes (Out of Body Adventures, Psychic Development, Networking for Kinky People and now the ONLY Sex Tour in the Midwest!) at The Discovery Center in Chicago."

Psychic detective, eh? This reminds me of that TV show we used to watch, Psych. Hm. I need to meet this guy. And Bailey of course. Imagine the storm we're going to conjure if he were to held a forum (or bless him, teach a course) in Malaysia. Hm. It's gonna be a revolution. One word: #fucksaw

Sekian untuk hari ini. This is AYB, that's the news and I'm outta here.

Sextistics

Where's Waldo in this picture? 

Source: Do-while

How long did it take to find him? If you did it in less than a min, you're probably a female, so yay for that. If not, no worries. There are no winners or losers in this game. ANYWAY. Let's talk travel! Woop. Look at what info Travelinsurance.org has prepared for us.

If you've never wanted to go to Greece, click on the picture for a larger view and you'll see why the place has been attracting tourists like mad. Rupanya!

Think all this info is obvious and boring? Well tell me, do you know the name of the 7th most horniest country as rated by AskMen.com? Do you?

Let's see if you guess right. This might be old news to you, but at number 7, topping Mexico, Switzerland and Spain, is -- (surprise surprise) Malaysia. Or Malasya according to the lazy person (no offense) who didn't bother to look up his spelling for this poster. Here's an excerpt from AskMen:

No.7 Malaysia

In public, this country definitely appears conservative. For example, there was a recent controversy over whether sex education should be taught in high school or not -- not exactly sexually liberated. However, behind closed doors lies (pun totally intended) the real story: Malaysians are swinging from the bedposts, and loving every minute of it. Occasionally we'll get a glimpse of it - like when Malaysia's Minister of Health was forced to step down after his homemade sex tapes made the rounds in January of 2008.   

source:kualalumpurnightlife

Horny hangouts: In Kuala Lumpur, check out these bars and clubs for a straightforward party: Aloha, Poppy Bar or the Rum Jungle. To “choose your own adventure” visit the Beach Club where there’s a good chance a girl comes at a price, but she'll be worth every penny. 

But guess what? Holland's not even on the list! I sure hope the author knows his stuff. Don't know if you'll agree or disagree, but I can definitely vouch for the horniness of fellow Malaysian chatters in certain chatrooms. Look at the comment section of this article, and you'll find other (horny) Malaysians who defended the country's honor. (So the infamous Harian Metro article is not completely irrelevant ey? Harian Metroll's also.)

So ATI, worse comes to worse, looks like we don't have to look that far for ehem ehem vacay spots. Kau datang rumah aku lah cukup, and we can have our own "adventure", free! (Or let's just rendezvous online. Teehee)

--

For some reason I just want to end this post with a totally unrelated video, which demonstrates that all that sweat and hard work will pay off in the end, with a little bit of imagination and creativity. So enjoy. (Or not). 

Yg need to go on a long vacation,
aku yg berdosa

Love through Vaseline

Poetry for the love-torn, lovesick, lovey dovey, love lust, loveless, and of course lovers of kau greasy aku steamy.

1) Mood of this song: moody. Lawlz, but there's not other words to describe this. This is my new love song for ATI.



Pretend to love my imperfection at least for a minute
Infect my dreams with your taste

You know how to enter in me
You know how to softly torture
You know how to torture my innocence

Theres a falling bridge between
My heart and your upside down world

Let your saliva drip which I hold you tight
If only I had the capacity to reject my love

The crazy, the soldier, the weak and the heroes love but not us my love
Your saliva runs slowly runs down on my body

Ill need a cruel master who will save my vicious soul
But a master I will hate or that maybe will save me
But Ill hate him hell save me

Come on come on inside me because this way
You will save me for a moment forget
You love me
Push yourself push inside me because this way
You will save me for a moment forget
You love me push yourself

Im so disgusted by the victories I never conquered
I feel sorry for the defeats I am roughly headin

Love me all the same when Ill sing to you about Vaseline and Lead
Look at me all the same when Ill be jester of violence and pity

Ill need a cruel master who will save my vicious soul
But a master I will hate or that maybe will save me
But Ill hate him hell save me

Come on come oninside me because this way
You will save me for a moment forget
You love me
Push yourself push inside me because this way
You will save me for a moment forget
You love me push yourself



2) For the Gigolos out there... we feel you. This song is from the movie Cliente, aka French Gigolo. What a good way to start a movie that ended badly. The movie sucks but we were impressed by this song. It's witty and "whoaa". In case some of you don't get it, I'm going to put WHOAs next to the lines which whoa-ed me.



Translation:

I take cash, checks or plastic
I'm a hustling ladies man, the loot's fantastic
sadly, most work pays badly.

I give em pleasure at their leisure,
when they ring, I bring that extra thing

I can get it up when i'm told,
even with a blindfold.  (*WHOA!!*)

Call me Patrick,
or plain Mr Dick,
just gimme gals,
not pals,

I can play games with elderly dames,
screwing' my neighbor,
pays more than hard labor.

I fill 'em, then bill 'em,
that's about it,
once they've come, I split,
I've done my bit.

I'm sore from rich clients galore,
takes big bucks to pay for fucks!

I deal my dick, not dope,
I put 'em in heaven, give 'em hope, (*WHOAA*)

even if their skin's rough,
my staff'll be stiff,
I know my stuff.

As an escort, not a date,
I charge a special weekend rate.

You earn dough,
bein' a gigolo,

they just want a fling,
so morals can't be your thing, (*dayum*)

even if a client's not my type…
I gotta deliver the hype…

I tell my ego to pass,
each time I bare my ass. (*WHOA!!!*)

Orgasms for Two. Oh Eleven.

Hey peeps.

Let's be honest. We know some of those resolutions won't get sorted out. Truth is, you just made those up so you'd feel all good, and prepared to face the next 365 days of... disaster? distress? ...who knows what. By late January, I bet you won't even remember what number 3 on your list was.

Wait... did I say I wanted to get tattoos this year?!

So why not we take it to the next level. Something like, this year, I want to be my self. I want to be free. Or better. Go to Betty Dodson's site and listen to her encouraging, sympathetic advice. It's dedicated specially to women but men can join in to act like good boyfriends/husbands/slave/etc. FUN fact: Nenek ni dah 70++ pun still having explosive sex!

[Source]

Give it a go if you're full of curiosity on any topic sex related, and I mean any topic. Female ejaculation? Male nipple stimulation? Sex toy tips? Fantasies? Anything lah... There's just lots of 'useful' discussion and freebies on there that'll satisfy the average information-whore such as myself, I mean what the eff, I'm half-jealous of that site 'cause it really embodies some of what I envision this blog should be like, minus the greasy food part.

Video: How to Fake an Orgasm. Just in case. For 2011, Men, please learn how to avoid this. Women, look for/teach men who can give you sssatifaction.

Of interest (okay, I confess, I searched for this on purpose) are pictures of the regular, normal, non-pornstar female genitalia. And YES, if you're wondering, I was searching for research purposes, thank you very much. These pictures are not for the faint-hearted (so ATI beware), but please view them, especially if you are an unexperienced male, so that you are not skewed by what is not reality. So that you won't go ruin your sweetheart's body-image, love her/him for who he/she is, and yada yada. You can view the free galleries here. Sorry these are just vag pictures. If you're interested in the one-eyed-trouser snake, though, Omegle and Chatroulette offer more generous, varied choices. You can ask ATI more of this, though. She is currently busy at one of those sites she wouldn't even budge if I set the apartment on fire. Or strip naked and jump around in living room. Or both.

Dayum, nice beard. [Source]

That said, if you're the suka discuss-discuss kind, with lots of interesting stories to tell, or if you just get off on ridiculous stories over the net, here is a Melayu-fied version of Betsy Dod's site. Which is not even a site. I don't even know what it is. But it seems pretty interesting though. Especially if you've been looking at Malaysia through rose-tinted glasses... This particular topic memang hit giler bro... The most unbelievable thing... 13k ++ comments, and still going, no doubt. And no, I did not Google 'pengalaman seks', terima kasih. Searched for "nama melayu sell out" pun still can get something like this!

Oh Malaysiaku.

Nuckallz nye U!

[Source]

Here's to the next 360 days of us being together. Hopefully.
xoxo
AYB

One-Eyed Trouser Snake

It's been a while since we came out with anything but movie reviews. You know KGAS is about much more than that. So, without further ado, here's some old news (but shocking nonetheless) for you guys out there who's thinking of being macho and getting inked. Be warned, it might just backfire. 


Man 'tattoos 40cm penis on friend's back' in Australia

An amateur tattooist is facing assault charges after he inked a 40cm penis on a friend's back, who only wanted 'a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons'.
Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/845183-man-tattoos-40cm-penis-on-friends-back-in-australia#ixzz18Club29q

Alongside the penis illustration, the 21-year-old Australian tattooed an unspecified slogan implying said friend is gay.

Police say the 25-year-old victim was talked into getting a tattoo while visiting his mate, but he asked him for an oriental design and emphatically not a giant back-based phallus.

'Apparently he went round to the other bloke's house and somehow in the course of the conversation the subject of tattoos came up,' explained Detective Constable Paul Malcolm.

'The victim wasn't interested at first but he was talked into it and he said he wanted a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons.'

After being told not to venture out into the sun or show anyone for a few weeks, the freshly inked chap promptly went home and unveiled the work to his flatmate, who informed him: 'I don't think it's the tattoo you were after.'

A somewhat related video. I played it till the end because of the awesome 2nd song. So what kind of a person gets dick tattoos? And for what? Hell I don't wanna know. To all girls (and guys?) out there, make sure to check your partner for questionable tattoos before you get serious, okay?


xAYBx

Tantalizing Thursday

I cannot concentrate on work so naturally perusing the Internet suddenly became a priority. Anyway.

Look at what I found!

A very interesting question asked at Answerbag...

My friend will buy me dildo for bday, hubby feels disrespected by her doing this, he says he'll burn it when I get home. Should I ask him if I can use it JUST once out of curiosity? Or just secretly use it when I get it at work before I go home to him?

You guys can click on the link to see the kind of answers people are giving. Some of them are hilarious, especially the one which advised tying the husband to the bed post. Personally though, I'm curious at the trying-it-at-work part. Can you people imagine sneaking a huge 'toy' past your bosses and cowerkers at work? Haram giler wei.


Oh yeah. Can you imagine if she had gotten a glass dildo instead? That would be impossible to burn, wouldn't it? Wonder what the hubby would do then... 


Hurmm.... 


Also from the same site:

Tak boleh nak scandalous lagi? Totally reminds me of the French movie Ma Mere (My Mom). You guys haven't seen that movie? Don't worry, it'll be reviewed soon. 

In other unrelated news, can someone help me interpret this painting? 

In case korang tak nampak painting ni la kan: So the girl is wearing tudung (teghingat da plak, tudung 3gp dan video scandalous dalam lif tuu), but not wearing seluar. The donkey's 'carrot' is showing. And out of nowhere... there's an old guy menservice diri sendiri di belakang itteww. 

Apakah maksud semua ini? Whose wet dream was all this?! Huargh!


Hurm...

Yang need closure, 
Aku Yg Berdosa

With a Stranger [In Bed] ~ En La Cama

Many people have asked Aku Tak Insaf and myself, kenapa tulis blog macamni? (Why did you start this blog?) Well, someday we'll probably answer that in detail. But the short answer for you now is, we write because we want to expose people to movies like En La Cama. (And also good food but that is a different story).

In Bed. Where You Love. Where You Betray.

This movie adresses important questions such as, can amazing casual sex actually lead to something more? Can two strangers connect to find meaning? If you've just had this awesome sex with this stranger, would you just leave it as a one night stand? What is a relationship? These and more are some questions you can think about while watching this movie to procrastinate and avoid doing work. 

Okay, before you get turned off, I have to clarify that you will get to see boobs and more in this movie. Dare I say boobs and brains? Hm. For me, of course the attraction is the guy too. 

En la cama literally means "in bed" in Spanish. So forget it if you're looking for some scenic scenes. The actors are in bed all day/night, so all you get is them, err.. physically and emotionally bonding. Literally. That's all they do. Sex, then break, then talk, then sex again and again haiyerr but quite nice la heheheh. 

Sometimes all you need is someone to be with... even for one night. 

Doing some serious thinking after exercising. 

I've noticed people like to shoot couples in hot tubs. Yes, I can see the attraction. 

This guy damn comel. If some (hot) guy looks at me like this while baring on the katil for sure I'll melt into liquid yang meresap ke dalam carpet wtf. 

Trailer with subs... 

En La Cama (trailer)

One of the best scenes... basically telling guys not to think with their batangs only... yeah yeah you already know that right?





It's not porn, it's not cheap and it's not desperate. One of our favorites of all time. Okay go watch this movie. Better, watch with your girl.

PS. To people who are interesting in finding/dl-ing movies we recommended to you online but couldn't find them, let us know so we can try to find links for you next time. Contact us through comments, email chatbox, Facebook or YM.

Yg dah avoid work for one week,
Aku Yg Berdosa

All Ladies Do It - 1992

"Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening"

- Così fan tutte (1992)

To the fans of cult, you surely must have heard of Caligula. We've browsed through the gore that is Caligula, and so we were surprised that it was directed by the same Italian director who did Cheeky, which we featured some months ago. Ah, Tinto Brass. What an obsessed man. 

ATI put this movie on our queue without my knowing, her reason for choosing it is solely based on the poster you see below. "I dunno la. I saw the butt and just decided to see the movie." That's what she said!

You should do that to. 

Cosi fan tutte is inspired by that masterpiece of Mozart. The genre here is supposedly erotic comedy, but we think Tinto made this movie for his own amusement. Nuckall betul dia ni. Tinto's so obsessed with butts and genitalia. Which is good in a way kot, making this movie into a very educational one even for us, because you don't always get to see the hairy monsters that people hide under their pants/skirts. Senang cite just watch this if you're really interested.

So what happens when a husband is unawares of his wife's wild sexual desires? She goes out and have more, of course. Yeah, all ladies seriously do it. 

They all wear this useless bra in their bedrooms while writing letters of heartache. 

But this is a good wife lar. All her sexual adventures is so she could bring her 'fantasies' to the bedroom, in the end to please the husband who sort of looks like somebody's soon to may, or may not be, ex. This alone is enough to make me give this movie a thousand stars. The husband ni bila balik rumah, turned on by the wife's cerita of nakal things she did... little did he know that they are not just made-up stories, but real life experiences kot, HAAAA. Sampat terus I. 

For example, she went to this poem reciting event by a celebrated poetess. Since we were so awed by the poem and it's "deepness", we decided to type up the most interesting parts for you: 

I'd like to fuck you

and not touch you

and loose-tongued, 

make a chant resound 

among the uncertain hairs of your ass.

(Whoaa, me and ATI seriously went "whaaat uncertain hairs of your ass???? Whoaaa")

I'd like to stuff dancing cunts in your mouth. 

… and down between your balls

suck your cock into my heartache. 

(Must be some passionate bj)

Lick your knees, 

and upwards to your heart.

(Sure, we all know the location of a man's heart)

After the poem, the wife was inspired to have this adventure. Tu tattoo lips, so bila 'pirate' ni move his hands, it looks like someone's lips is moving all over her butt. Scandalous gileww. Anyway guys take note, this is how to gross out your partners ya. 

After this, the wife became obsessed la pulak to get her backside door virginity taken. Eww. Not everyone is into this okay, clearly this is mostly a guy's nuckall fantasy. Don't know who'd really like anything up their asses, seriously. 

She requested the husband to do it, but he won't. So, dia lari lah mencari orang lain. Padan muka the husband, who looks like someone's ex (maybe). 

So I will not lie. This is the best, most impressionable kissing scene I ever saw my entire life. These two mouths seriously have chemistry. Such a passionate and needy kiss yet gentle and beautifully choreographed at the same time. Claudia Koll kissed a lot of men and more in this movie, but it made me wonder if she has something going on with this guy. Terus I sampat larr weii, this scene. 

Last but not least here's a sample of what you will see more of in the movie. Personally I can't forgive myself if I were to be photographed with my underarms in that state, but it sends a good hippie message la. Why would you shave away God's gift kan? Plus shave bumps are damn nasty, so seriously if a guy doesn't mind the 'Jane' look I'd be so damned terharu. Wax strips are getting more and more expensive lar these days.



DL Links:

http://www.filez.st/file.php?id=MjQxNDc2
http://www.vo2ov.com/Cosi-Fan-Tutte-1992-iTALiAN-DVDRip-x264_1028812.html
http://fenopy.com/torrent/cosA+fan+tutte+aka+all+ladies+do+it+tinto+brass+1992+/MTc3ODIwOQ