No Glove, No Love

I don't like strapless bra.

I know it's none of your concern. It's just a conversation starter.

Now you know how socially awkward I am.

not as awkward as this pose, but close.

If you can't handle a condom well at times - whether it's because you're drunk, rabun, impatient or just clumsy in nature - this might be something for you.

strap-on condom [source]

Like bras, condoms now have straps. Watch the product demo.



Quikstrips - two disposable polyethylene strips rolled into either side of the sheath. Sensis goes on in a split second (so the moment is not lost), and is actually enjoyable to apply. Lubrication stays where it belongs. No latex smell on the hands. No touching of the condom means less chance of tearing or nicking, and correct reservoir spacing at the tip is assured. Altogether, many common user errors that can compromise protection are eliminated. 

Not sure I'm convinced, but no biggie. Not like I'll be the one buying and wearing it. If it's as easy as she claimed, then my man should have no problem putting it on. If he does, then we're not meant to be. (Get your stock here) I honestly don't remember anything she said other than a couple of firm "Awesome"s. Can't agree with the title of this Dr.Romance's website "SEX Has Never Been This FUN! Sexpert Heather explains how". Really huh? Sex has always been fun, honey. It's fun with or without your explaining how.

However, if your problem is less technical but more biological, then you should probably consider the Viagra condom. Don't start thinking "Untung la, no need to buy viagra". The world doesn't work that way.  It doesn't contain Viagra but theoretically, it can help men maintain their erection when they're wearing the condom. It's not out in the market yet. Meanwhile, just use your willpower to keep that erection of yours firm and strong.

pandai-pandai estimate the distance yourself

Another condom designed to make things easier for you. Pronto Condoms from South Africa.



Tertarik? Then get the distribution rights for Malaysia coz it's available in South Africa only. Tak percaya, check out the website sendiri.

Also from South Africa, it's something for us ladies. Finally. Rape-aXe invented by Dr. Sonnet Ehlers



The woman inserts the latex condom like a tampon. Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man's penis during penetration, Ehlers said. 

Once it lodges, only a doctor can remove it -- a procedure Ehlers hopes will be done with authorities on standby to make an arrest.

"It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it's on," she said. "If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter... however, it doesn't break the skin, and there's no danger of fluid exposure."

Takut tak? I don't mind biting my man's penis if he misbehaves but I'll leave it to the condom to bite a rapist's. I doubt Malaysian girls would wear this scary little thing everyday to protect themselves. I think pepper spray or even bad breath/a few atomic fart bombs is more practical than this.

Conclusion nye, always use a condom unless your lady specifically told you not to or if your condom will make us fat.

condomplating,
aku yg tak insaf

AID(E)S

Works from French AIDS prevention NGO -- AIDES.



Not a traditional steamy clip but I suspect this is arousing enough for guys who get turned on easily, which is erm..95% of the male population (the other 5% consists of the elites -- sex psychos, sex maniacs, ultraperverts and rapists). In the end, watching this video only prompts people to have sex, not safe sex. A little too vibrant and nakal for everybody, except for les Francais. Teach me how to not love them. If I have the option to get organ transplant, I'd request for a French heart and brain.



What has it got to do with AIDS? The answer is at the end of the video. Vivez assez longtemps pour trouver le bon. Live long enough to find the right one. How tersirat. Japanese are the pros in sexual animation (I'm not a fan of hentai; you perverts would know better.), but I think this video's pretty neat nevertheless. At least I can feel her why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-man desperation. Doesn't mean I'm feeling it now though. I just wanna be a proud and carefree man-less woman for now.

Female version: Just protect yourself from the penis octopus, penis turtle, penis seaworms, tongue corals etc. This is why I haven't learn diving. The underwater world is full of danger. Takut.

Guys don't need protection. Women are the kindest and cutest creatures.

World of Sex -- The safer you play, the longer you stay. The Clit Coaster and The Tunnel of Love look haramest, but I bet you'd love 'em. Nak introduce this concept to Dr. Ng Yen Yen. Ni baru la niche market. I'm sure she'll will do anything to boost Malaysia's tourism. Percayalah.

going to jaga api now,
aku yg tak insaf

Grey Area

For legal-conscious and/or health-conscious folks...

Sexual Harassment Case 1

Sexual Harassment Case 2

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 1

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 2

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 3

"A jamming sex-machine-gun? Stop smoking."  By Cancer Society of Finland


Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 4

same here

occasionally quiet,
aku yg tak insaf

Optional

15 Not So Important Facts about Sex 

1. 56% of men have had sex at work!

If you don't wanna feel left out,  make it a point to have your first sex-at-work next Monday and every Monday from then on. Say No to Monday blues.

2. According to popular men's magazine, more women talk dirty during sex than men.
I wonder if aku yg berdosa also....
 
3. Have a stuffy nose? Have sex! It's natural Anthistamine
But I won't have the mood for sex, neither do I want to have sex with a guy having stuffy nose. No appetite mah

4. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 states
Make it worldwide

5. Only 17% of women are likely to have an orgasm during sex. More foreplay, please!
Sex without foreplay is like eating KFC chicken without the skin

6. A man will ejaculate 18qt in his life. That's roughly half a trillion of those little guys.
About 17 liters that is. That's probably more than the love a man can give.

7. On average, men reach orgasm in 2.5 min, while women take 12 min.
12 min isn't that long; some take a lifetime to reach orgasm, or never.

8. Average erect penis size: 5inches. Smallest erect penis: 1cm

1cm...1cm...1cm....knowing this makes you feel like Tarzan, doesn't it?

9. Men that have a good, active sex life are likely to live past the age of 80.
If good and active sex life means having more than one sex partner, then I hope you won't live that long

10. Cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least.
I bet it's got something to do with men's desire to pop the cherry. The power of subconsciousness huh.

11. Female orgasms can actually cure headaches due to the release of endorphins. No more excuses ladies!
But reaching orgasm itself is already a big big headache

12. There are approximately 100 million acts of sex a day....Twitter reports the same number of tweets per day.
If only people have sex as often as they tweet

13. Male orgasm typically last seconds. Pig's orgasm typically lasts 30 minutes!

Tau la men are pigs (still, we love them anyway), but didn't expect they'll be compared side-by-side like this and totally didn't expect pigs to know how to enjoy more than their counterparts.

14. Skip the treadmill! You can burn 200 calories during 30 minutes of sex. A one-minute kiss can burn 26.

No wonder I tak kurus2 lagi.

15. 30% of women over the age of 80 still have sex with their spouses or boyfriends
Alhamdulillah. Hallelujah. Life's beautiful.

also known as seri,
aku yg tak insaf

Mice & Easy

Amboi ATI. Hidup lagi you ye! Where did you go?! My online messages tak balas, my SMS pun tak balas. Thank God I checked this blog today, despite kelajuan internet I yang sangat tak memberangsangkan. Thank you sebab ade mention I in your post, menunjukkan that you still haven't forgotten me yet *sedih*. Namun I nak clarifykan lah kan, your tuduhan is only 50% betul je. Although it is true that I have no life right now, I still have drafts lined up okay! I takkan pernah lupakan blog ini! *Drama*

Not that you people care anyway, right? Di bulan yang mulia ni, I'm sure korang busy mengawal nafsu and melayan dugaan yang datang dalam bentuk sirap bandung, cendol, agar-agar milo, bubur cha-cha, ayam percik... dan lain-lain kan? Ha... duduk depan laptop tu Kak Jah. Jangan nak pegi bukak peti ais eh! Habiskan bace post ni dulu.

*Clears throat* 

It seems that this month is not only important for Muslims - according to the Ethnic Chinese lunar calendar, this coming Saturday will be the day to celebrate Valentine's Day (in Taiwan at least). As reported in Malaysia Chronicle, crowds of singles have already been observed at the Xiahai City God temple in Taipei, where they pray to the God of Matchmaking. Apparently akak-akak and abang-abang datang from all over the world to make sure that they will have someone to spend time with. Contohnye, this one Japanese tourist who said, dengan nada yang agak urgent,

"I read guidebook about Taipei. And according to the guidebook, this place is good for love, so I come here. I need a boyfriend." 

Cara untuk make your wish to the God, according a staff referred to as Wu: "You need to tell the God your name, birth date, address and what kind of person you're looking for. If you already have someone in mind, then pray for the relationship to go smoothly." Wah so sistematik. Address pun dia take note. Macam boleh caya je! Tapi dengan bangganya, Wu ni cakap, temple tu dah couplekan lebih 50,000 abangs and akaks in the past 10 years. Iyelah~

"according to chinese folklore, the matchmaking god Yue Xia Lao (月下老) ties a string around the ankles of people destined to be soulmates. the two people connected by a red string of fate (紅線) are destined lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. the string may tangle or stretch but never break." [source]

The most LOL was this comment from an anonymous abang: "Since I'm busy with work, so I'm hoping the God of Matchmaking can help me find a nice girl." Wonder siapa yang akan kena tied to him. Kesian if the girl jenis superglue and takkan dapat attention because of his busy-ness. 

But back to ATI -- don't tell me you tak angkat my calls sebab you're actually in Taiwan? 


To me, I don't think single life is all that bad. Females especially, takyah nak risau sangat that you will be condemned to a foreveralonetanpalelaki life, because now scientists have discovered a way to make sperm. ATI memang confirm la tak payah nak risau, since she is easily approached by men, terutamanya Middle Easterners *TRUE STORY more on this later*. The only drawback is that dorang belum cuba the experiment on humans yet, baru guna mice je. But it was so successful with the mice, that they are confident yang ada harapan for this to work on other mammals. Tapi kalau only work on mice pun, ATI still at an advantage jugak (inside joke but I will tell if you ask). Damn lucky her.


Yg makin gemuk even though puasa, 
Aku Yang Berdosa

Hard to Please

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PMS Management For Dummies

Never really had any PMS symptoms before 21. God knows what happened after that. It just gets worse and worse. Almost every man in my life has been a victim at some point (or all the time for the more kesian ones). It's not hard to tell when I'm having my PMS coz even though I'm unreasonable by default, I'm way over the top when my darling hormones are in charge.

So, research says milk can help reduce the symptoms of PMS? I don't really buy that idea, but I love the campaign that encourages poor fellas who live with PMS to buy milk for their ladies who have crazy mood swings during that critical week of the month. I don't see why some people have to be so serious and call this sexism or stereotyping women. Stereotypes exist for a reason. So ladies, take it easy, laugh it off and just admit that we can be emotional bitches sometimes.

everythingidoiswrong.org, your home for PMS management, where we continuously analyze and compile data on the global state of PMS.

The five different expressions at the top of the page shows the intensity of each PMS Level:
Level 1 (Green): All is calm. Just like right before a storm
Level 2 (Blue): Be aware of potential slips-ups, but it seems ok.
Level 3 (Yellow): There's an elevated likelihood that you screwed something up
Level 4 (Orange): Be on high alert for verbal traps and questions about weight.
Level 5 (Red): Look out! Everything is wrong and it's all your fault.

Puppy Dog-Eye-Zer allows you to take a picture of your own and practice how to adjust the size of your eyes and the level of wateriness according to how messed up and sorry you are.

Sensitivity Vocabulator gives you suggestions on the choice of words that can save you from stinky stings.

Instead of "It's not my fault", try "Sorry"

Instead of "Consider my side", try "Sorry"

Instead of "Calm down", try "I love your spirit"

Pending apologies

Deepest regrets on my previous less deep regrets

It's not me, ok it's me. 

I'd like to apologize if that's ok

I was more equally at fault.

I wish I could turn back time and unchange the channel you were watching.

Words don't come close to expressing my regret and I'm sorry about that.

Please accept my apology, not that I'm telling you what to do.

I'm sorry for putting the glass somewhere you would knock over.

I'm sorry I forgot that our four-month anniversary is a month away.  

Sincere regrets for overlooking your new haircut 

I'm sorry I believed nothing was wrong when you said nothing was wrong.

I apologize for looking at the waitress that time I was ordering

I'm sorry I couldn't guess what I did wrong.


Pre-approved apologies

2 of my favorite pending apologies:
I'm sorry I believed nothing was wrong when you said nothing was wrong.
I'm sorry I couldn't guess what I did wrong.

That's so me.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"No, there must be something wrong. Tell me."
"Really nothing"
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"If there's anything, you must let me know ok?"
"Okay"
"Good." and go on to talk about something else
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. merajuk and become really cold for the next 30 minutes to 48 hours.


"You sound angry. Did I do something wrong?"
"Nope."
"But you seem really mad. I must have done something."
"Nothing"
"Tell me pleaseeee"
"You don't know?"
"No, tell me please"
"You really don't know?"
"Tell me la"
!@#$%^&* I'll give you time and space to figure out yourself. Until then, don't say anything that will provoke me even more


I'm ashamed to say that I'm just like a typical woman when it comes to this department. This is what happen about half of the time but there are of course other less skema and ridiculous PMS stories depending on who the provoker and victim is. The problem is though, sometimes the provoker and the victim are not the same person. It's simply tough luck and bad timing, nothing I can do about it. My brother's now one of the most successful PMS detectors among my victims. He can sense within 3 minutes from the time of eruption. He's well-trained. My sis's colleague is the only male in their department and for self-protection, he has a PMS calendar to keep track of the days he might get burned from explosion. I admit it takes patience for men to learn how to deal with and tolerate this PMS shit; it's not easy. But other than that, it's still a much better deal to live as a man than as a woman. Be thankful and love your woman more if she doesn't take you on a monthly emotional roller coaster ride.

I wonder how lesbian couples cope. Double PMS. Double trouble. Blueh

Be a man. Be a PMS hero.

Never my fault,
aku yg tak insaf

Size-sensitive

Some say size matters, some say it doesn't. Well, if it doesn't, why would people put so much time and money into finding out whether or not it matters? At least those who approve funding this sort of research care..and the decision-makers are normally males. So really, guys are the one who are obsessed with size. Not us. We love you for who you are. Women don't care about anything. Oh, except for your heart, looks, wealth, personality, status.....

Some stats for those who care:

"85% of women were satisfied with the size of their partner's penis"
"....only 55% of men were satisfied"

A 2009 research by the Scots:

"One-third of the women (34 per cent) said that they were more likely to have an orgasm with a longer than average penis (14.5 centimetres), but nearly two-thirds said that they had no preference."


Reported by Czech women, seems to me the 34% are a little too demanding. Longer than 14.5cm (or 5.7inches)? Are you serious? Susah kot nak find that in Malaysia. Average Malaysian size is around 11.49cm or 4.4inches. Certainly not based on my own observation or my personal survey (I claimed a while ago that I'll carry out my little investigation on YM but I lost appetite for a specific reason that only the selected few know).

Check out the interactive map here.  Put your cursor over the country that you're interested in..and you'll get the exact average measurement at the bottom right of the legend box. It's not a coincidence that they assign red color to countries with unimpressive average penis size. It screams "Avoid having sex with men from this bloody country!" Sadly, Malaysia's one of the countries in red. Oh well, at least we are at the higher end of the red range.

Bottom 3:

Korea (North and South): 9.66cm (3.8inches)
India, Cambodia, Thailand: 10.16cm (4 inches)
China, Japan: 10.92cm (4.3 inches)

Husbands from some of these countries are notorious for the way they treat their wives. Maybe they are just transferring their insecurity and anger toward their penis to their women. Hmph.

We ain't that bad compared to these folks. But if you want to make your life miserable and compare upward, here are the winners..

Top 3:

Congo: 17.93cm (7.1 inches)
Ecuador: 17.77cm (6.9 inches)
Colombia, Ghana, Venezuela: 17.03 (6.7 inches)

I'm gonna share this with my imaginary daughter and make sure she rocks her geography and anthropology class. Choose your man wisely, girl. Meanwhile, I'm making travel plans to visit the dark green zones. Just kidding. I'll be happy with the orange (13.48-14.88cm) region. It's a good size and seriously, guys there turn me on like nothing else.

If, however, you aren't interested in the fancy map, just check out this list with everything you need to know about penis size.

It's not the end of the world if you have a shorter than average penis. As aku yang miang always reminds me, it's not the length that matters; it's the width. But err...if the width is not something you can be proud of either, you should consider one of these condoms that are tailored for whatever insecure issues you have with your penis. The manufacturer is more understanding than your girl. All the condom names are meant to feed your ego and make you feel like a real, strong man

Short and narrow:
Lifestyles Snugger Fit (1.75" width/7" length)
Contempo Exotica (1.75" width/7" length)
The Iron Grip (1.92" width/6.69" length)

Average length but still kinda narrow:
Bravo (2" width/8" length)
Beyond 7 (2.08" width/7.28" length)
Crown skinless (2.08" width/7.08" length)

Malas la have to reassure guys over n' over again that we don't care about size (as long as it's not a micropenis). If you want to carry this size anxiety until whenever, then go ahead. No one's stopping you. If we love you, we'll love you even when your penis is in a limp state. Get over it ok. Promise?

the stupid, lazy and gersang,
aku yg tak insaf

Men, Women and Semen

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Important Life Lesson

For the first time, this blog is sharing some really useful advice with our, openly or secretly, sexually curious readers. 

Guys/gays, share this with your gf/bf if your adik desires better treatment, but make sure your lady tak terasa she's not doing a good job. It's a risk you have to take. You might end up getting nothing for quite some time, if your girl is as unforgiving as me and likes to merajuk. 

Ladies, apply the techniques only when your man deserves the best. Don't go all out for guys who are not even willing to go down on you. It's only fair if he appreciates what you're doing to take care of his little brother and reciprocates.

4chan.org

Believe it or not. If you don't forward this post to 10 people you love within the next 10 minutes, you'll not receive a bj for the next 10 years. I mean it.

the caregiver,

aku yg tak insaf