Thank You for Masturbating

Nak contribute to charity but tak de $$$?  Now you have no more excuse to be kedekut because there's an event that allows you to masturbate and raise money for charity. Unbelievable.

They call it the Masturbate-a-thon, which unsurprisngly was first organized by Americans. The purpose is, as mentioned, fund-raising and also to promote safe sex and naikkan public kesedaran about this love-yourself activity. Not because people tak tau what it is, but kononnye to let people feel less malu to talk about it. So during the event, men and women yang berhati baik and tak kesah to masturbate in public with hundreds of people, boleh la gather at a designated place and masing2 make their own selves happy. It's called "mass public masturbation". learn that phrase. Even for events as haram as this, there are still rules ok. You need to be above 18yo, you can't touch other people, and guess what, you can't fake orgasms. haiz..too bad for us ladies. That's something we can for sure do better than men but they don't allow us to show off? (fyi, i've been planning to write about fake orgasms since last century, but tak start2 lagi. maybe later la). Back to the charitable part of this event again...the amount you earn for the charity depends on your number of orgasms and how long you masturbate.

Official logo for the US Masturbate-a-thon (from wikipedia)


Like any other marathon races, there are winners and losers in this masturbate-a-thon. The winners are those yang dapat the most orgasms and/or can masturbate the longest. The losers are of course are those who didn't even sign up for the event -- people like you and me. Unless you, the one yang tengah baca this post, actually participated before. That'd be such a great achievement, so impressive that I think you should put that experience in your resume. It's not going to hurt; it'd only help, trust me. 



Anyway, ingat senang ke to be the winner. Every hour, a person has only 5 mins to rest, meaning he/she has to love him/herself with or without a toy for at least 55 minutes to qualify for the competition. Say, in one of the hour blocks, you only masturbate for 53.7 minutes, then you won't be able to win a prize no matter what the total masturbation duration is. Failing the requirement only means that you aren't competing anymore. But of course, you can still stay in that event and continue to enjoy and do charity. Sounds like the toughest challenge ever....but it's not. Not saying this because I sombong or prasan I can do better. Just take a look at the results. My god. These people not only fulfilled the requirement, they clearly worked hard to be the best.

Current Records (Source: Wikipedia)

2009 San Francisco

  • The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male" (and also the World Record Holder in this category) is Mr. Masanobu Sato, who in 2008 masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes. In 2009 he extended his record to 9 hours and 58 minutes. 
  • The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Female" was set in 2008 by Ms. Kitty Kat, who masturbated for 7 hours and 6 minutes.
  • The winner of "Most Orgasms/Male" was set by Big Rob in 2010 -- at 83 climaxes, a world record.
  • The winner of "Most Orgasms/Female" is Loooo-C, who came 83 times in 2010.
  • The winner of "Longest Distance Come to Come" is Morihiro Taneichi from Tokyo.
  • New United States - Men's distance record set in 2009 by (nom de plume) Mr. Flint Greasewood - 1.62 m (5.31ft).


2009 Denmark

  • Masturbation time - men: 7 h 45 min
  • Masturbation time - women: 5 h 4 min
  • Number of orgasms - men: 8 - Danish record.
  • Number of orgasms - women: 222 - World record
  • Ejaculation distance - men: 2.5 m
  • Ejaculation distance - women: 3.15 m - World record
  • Target ejaculation - men: 6 cm from bull's eye
  • Target ejaculation - women: All over bull's eye

*2 terms that maybe need some translation. nom de plome = pen name and bull's eye = the central point you aim at hitting in archery (google the image if this is a terrible explanation)

2 Japanese men yang luar biasa at the event. One of them lasted for 8 hrs 40 mins, another is the honorable world record holder, Sato-san.

These guys were there for a mission -- to promote the masturbation helper/tool for their company. Memang a good marketing strategy. Read more if you're interested: 

What a crazy crazy world. Here, we see a man who can tahan for 10 hours, a woman who can get 222 orgasms and another lady who can ejaculate as far as 3.15m (she'll make a perfect naked statue fountain kat halaman rumah i)..but we've also heard a lot about men who can't last more than 2 minutes and women who never had orgasm and/or ejaculation. Those outrageous overachievers..they are either born to be sexually talented, or they really train themselves to reach over the top. Now that you know about this masturbation competition, the next time you love yourself, will you be bothered about the duration and how far your body fluid can go? Will you be timing yourself, keeping track of the number of orgasms and measuring the distance traveled by the fluid, and challenging yourself to be better next time? I think I will.....haha

One day, someday, i nak try to go and check out the meat carnival la. Mesti ada gerai2 that sell these performance enhancement toys. Can't wait to see all those weird toys (is it just me or Sato-san's tool looks like a tumbler/bottle for drinking water?). Anyone nak kirim anything? Perhaps can even report live from there..hmmm....

One final question for you to think about (even better if you're willing to answer it in the comment box): how much money do you think you can raise if you were to participate in this?

yang bercita-cita nak bring this event to malaysia,
aku yg tak insaf

2 comments:

  1. jgn excited sgt... i je yg comment... hahahaah. patut la semalam senyap je... sibuk buat research ghupenye...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Masturbation time - men: 7 h 45 min? sickkkk hahahah

    ReplyDelete

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