Get out of your bed: Beachy sex

Previously on Get-out-of-your-bed....

(this is not a tv drama, so don't expect a recap. To read the previous post, click here)

Inspired by our reader, DJ Leonard, let's put on our swimwear and head down to the beach for some fun.

Most people, I assume, have fantasized about having sex on a deserted/private beach or at night when it's pitch dark. Don't know if we should blame the French for popularizing nude beaches or the movies/porns for making beach sex looks so hot and romantic. 

From the movie Three (2005). Nothing unusual. It's the typical fight - go away - get off from me - pretend to struggle - and finally give in. The scene could have been steamier, if not for the background music that sounded like it came out of a soap drama

Kelly Brook Beach Scene - Free videos are just a click away

Maggie Q and her ex, Danial Wu in Naked Weapon (2002). 

A Very Hot Sex Scene in Beach From Chinese Movie Naked Weapon - The most amazing videos are a click away

As always, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. No matter how passionate, romantic or hot sex on the beach is, as it appears in films, porns and our fantasies, you should consider these risks before diving into the act.

Potential hazards

1. This British couple was arrested for public drunkeness (after attending an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch) and sexing on a public beach in Dubai. Originally sentenced to 3 months' imprisonment, but later the sentence got reduced to a fine of just approx. USD272 each. Not a bad deal huh. I doubt they can get away so easily in Malaysia. Even premarital and extramarital sex can get women into serious trouble (free jail stay and caning), I don't know what would happen if we kena tangkap having public sex. Give duit kopi only, can?

For the convenience of people who plan to have beach sex outside of Malaysia, here's a list compiled by a German travel site on how certain countries deal with offenders. (source: gadling.com)

-   Sweden: €50
-   Italy: €300 plus up to 2 years in prison
-   Croatia: €150 plus up to 30 days in prison
-   Romania: Up to 7 years in prison
-   Spain: Up to €75,000 (average fine is €700)
-   Thailand: Up to $750
-   Turkey: €200 and up to 2 months in prison
-   Egypt: Up to 3 years in prison
-    Denmark: Up to 4 years in prison
-    France: €15,000 and up to one year in prison
-    Greece: Up to 2 years in prison

So for Malaysians, looks like our best bet is to do it in Thailand since it's so reachable and the punishment's relatively light compared to the other countries listed here, except for Sweden. But seriously, how many of us have the money and luxury to travel to Sweden? Not me, at least.

Sigh.

Only they can have beach sex wherever they want *jealous*:




2. Probably the biggest turn-off about beach sex: just as you're about to think being in water means you & your partner will be wetter, turns out that water can wash away your natural lubrication. Not to forget, your condom might stop cooperating and slip off when you're having fun in the water. So water's not that safe, what about the sandy beach?

thislondon.co.uk

3. some nerdy scientific evidence shows that that beach sex actually comes with risks that can unsexified this popular fantasy: Dangerous microbes in beach sand, risk of infections, wet heat can lead to fertility issues for men....oh well

Of course, I'm not writing this to discourage you from having sex on a beach. We can always figure something out. If sex in the water would actually make sex less pleasurable  then just make out in the water and come back to the beach and continue your business. If the sand is less hygienic than the mamak stall, then just bring a mat/beach towel or something to avoid putting your precious body parts at risk. These are precautions that we can take but in terms of getting caught, there's no way you can prevent it other than not doing it at all. So, before you throw yourself into the excitement, pause and think about whether or not you're willing to face the consequences. If not, just pack your things and race to the nearest motel/resort.

the loose seal,
aku yg tak insaf