Sex and Zen: Behold the scenes

This is a must watch especially if you are curious what would happen if Stephen Chow directs a pornographic film...

Sex and Zen (1991)

You can probably tell from the poster that the setting is in ancient China but don't start thinking that the sex will be boring with the girls acting decent and malu2. Quite the opposite, actually.You can find almost all the elements of a soft porn in this sex comedy: girl(s) on girl(s), group sex, s&m, bondage, sex toys...and even animal sex. Yeah, they went this far. They didn't call it a classic for no reason. Let's take a quick peek:

It's a story about a married scholar who felt unfulfilled, thinking there should be something better out there. So he decided to leave his wife behind at home and go on a research trip to learn more about sex...with other women. During the journey, he met a thief who later agreed to teach him how to break into houses unnoticed so that the scholar can sneak into people's bedrooms and sleep with their wives. But one day, by chance, the thief ternampak the scholar's XS batang and suggested that he should get a bigger one before he start curi people's wife. Taking the advice, the scholar got himself a horse penis and he was all happy and ready to start his sex adventures. Meanwhile, kesian the wife sorang2 at home. From a virgin who's disgusted by sex to a woman who enjoyed the great pleasures from sex with her husband, she's now so horny and lonely that she engaged in creative masturbation (which will be described in greater details lepas ni) and an affair with her gardener. She later got pregnant, ran away with the gardener, and was forced into prostitution. The story didn't end here. The scholar became sick due to having too much sex and had to be treated by a famous prostitute (uncoincidentally, his wife) but they couldn't recognize each other because in the wife's memory, the husband didn't have a XXXL batang while the husband's too rabun due to the illness to even see her face clearly...

Despite the merepekness of the movie, there's actually an ajaran behind it and you should watch the movie to find out what happens in the end and the moral behind the story.

On to the individual sex scenes.....

1. The wife's creative masturbation
To's the most memorable scene. Given the setting of the story, I think that's the best possible way to satisfy her nafsu. She err...used a paintbrush (the calligraphy type) to masturbate. Can you imagine that? There was a split second in the trailer that showed the scene. She basically inserted the keras end of the brush inside her hole and jumped around the canvas and ended up making buruk paintings while masturbating. By the way, she also used her underground fluid to write a letter to her husband to tell him how much she missed him. Romantic nye. Maybe I should collect mine and put it in a bottle for my future husband to drink whenever he's thirsty at work...

2. The horse penis
The idea is ridiculous, I know. But there's nothing wrong with letting your imagination run a little too wild sometimes. You guys must have imagined having a bigger batang at some point in your life but whether or not you act on those wild thoughts is another thing. Since there were no such things as penis enlargement surgery, pills or related products at that time, the scholar could only listen to the thief's advice and get himself a horse penis. No big deal. But kesian pulak the horse's wife because the husband lost his penis and being a loyal wife, her husband's penis is all she ever wanted. So she terpaksa looked for the husband's batang, which already belonged to the scholar...and *roaring of thunder* the scholar had to pay back and layan the horny mare. neeeeyyyyyy

3. Intense sex in the bathtub
If you didn't notice a bathtub scene in the trailer, go back to play the video around 1:24. You can see the scholar's wife making movements yang over2 as if she's riding a dragon in the tub. That's the scene where she hooked up with the gardener. Before that she was masturbating with a brush (again) and her sound of pleasure caught the attention of the gardener who was dutifully doing his job outside. His interruption was unwelcomed at first but he soon convinced the horny lady with his amazing sex-in-the-underwater skills. What could be considered a rape turned into an intense and beautiful sex between the two. Too bad the modern bathtubs are not deep enough for us to try this. If I'm not rich enough to have a jacuzzi at home, I'll get a bamboo tong besar like this.

4. Of cloth and ladder
This is sex between the scholar and one of the women he curi. The sex is so sensual and passionate that it's almost love-making, except there's no love between the parties involved. The woman is the wife of a cloth shop tauke, which kinda justify the importance of the red cloth. Red is sexy, that's one thing..the other is just to mengharamkan lagi the act of stealing someone's wife -- having sex with the man's wife in his territory and on his inventory. One thing that's really over in this scene is when the scholar had to use a ladder to help him with the intercourse because kononnye now his penis dah too long for him to do it the normal way. Sometimes I think I don't want my man's thing to be too long, coz then there's no reason for him to not stay close to me during the act.

5. girls playing flute
nothing special if the girls are just playing flute with their lips. yes, it can be seductive to guys because it's sexy and whatnot..but they brought the flute to a place that it's never been before. I'm too straight to try this but feel free to try it if you're interested and/or if you're still keeping the flute you played in the band masa sekolah menengah. might as well kan especially if you're not playing it anymore and dah biar the flute in the storage for a long time. Don't forget to clear the dust though

Alrighty, now some bonus trivia about the movie pulak.

1. If you're a Hongkong Drama fan, you should find the scholar familiar. He's Lawrence Ng, famous at one point because of the dramas "Healing Hands" I, II and III, in which he played the role of a decent doctor. But he appeared in Sex and Zen before the dramas and according to wiki, "Lawrence Ng once mentioned in an interview that he was embarrassed for having made the film and wishes that he instead be known for his serious character roles in modern and period drama TV series." Poor thing.

2. The tauke of the cloth shop should be a familiar face to you, if you love Chinese slapstick comedies especially in the 90s. Real name: Elvis Tsui Kam-Kong. Appeared in: Ten Brothers, some of the movies in God of Gamblers series, played monks in a few movies etc.

3. The scholar's wife (Amy Yip) was famous for her great body, especially her boobs. The scholar can testify for her. Towards the end when he met his wife again in the brothel, he said "I've become suspicious as I was fondling your breast. I've been all over the world but there's no woman who had slim body but big breast like my wife". Amy Yip was a real sex goddess at that time; every guy fantasized about her. She was so famous that people started selling big pau named after her. It's called the "Amy Yip big bun". I might be wrong about this, but I think the bun only exists in Malaysia. Lucky us. If you wanna try it, the address is: No.25, Jalan13/142,Taman Orkid Desa,Cheras 56000 KL. However, if you're rajin and want to DIY, you can put whatever ingredients you want in the pau and make it a G- or H- or N-cup bun. nobody cares.

homemade 45G (just a guess judging by the size) Amy Yip Big Bun

 4. I didn't watch Sex and Zen II (Shu Qi's in it) and III. I may or may not watch it later but I'm definitely excited about the 3D Sex and Zen which is hopefully coming out next May. Apparently the first 3D porno ever. Can't wait! Jom watch ramai2 when the movie's out

Another bonus, just in case this long post wasn't enough to arouse your interest. It's also a trailer but with different scenes plus a totally kecoh Cantonese narrator.

Sex and Zen Theatrical Trailer
Uploaded by the_grey_pirate. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

Craziness: 9/10
Plot: 5/10
Sex: 8.5/10

yang tengah rasa nak attack man boobs,
aku yang tak insaf


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