G-Shock

Aku yg berdosa insists I didn't tell her about this: the first Malaysian lesbian couple got married in Batu Pahat (a small town in Johor) end of July. I'm pretty sure I did but she always space out when I talk to her and starts doing her own little thing in her wonderland. I hate repeating what I just said 5 milliseconds ago.


When I showed the news to my parents, they sort of sneered at it. They couldn't believe all the tales I told them about gays and lesbians could be this real. Right here in Malaysia. Apparently someone even made a facebook page (it's in Mandarin though) for them, to celebrate their love. I won't express my admiration for their courage in the form of a facebook like....unless the more likes they get, the sooner Malaysia legalize gay marriage. Couple of weeks after this news, I introduced the idea of bisexuality to my mum. I still remember her expression of disbelief and ridicule. "Like this also can?!", she said. Yes, my poor innocent mum. Like that also can. This is how exciting the world is. But one thing I have to praise my parents though is, they're surprisingly sporting when I made the bold hypothesis that, my dad's sister could be a lesbian. They seemed to enjoy it everytime I find some evidence and share my observations with them.


Anyway, if you can't give homosexual couples your blessing, leave them alone and give them some space. Don't be a hater. If you believe in karma, the more you hate gays, the more likely you'd end up falling in love with a gay or your son/daughter would be one of them. "Karma's a bitch, only if you are". Ingat tu.

Sempena the 2nd monthliversary of the first Malaysian lesbian marriage, be ready to get turned on by some girl-on-girl action.








My mum sometimes questions my sexual orientation, and it's all aku yg berdosa's fault. Babe, can you not love me so much in front of her? I'm 300% straight ok.

mentally assassinated,
aku yg tak insaf

Cloud 9 (2008)

One of the most inappropriate questions I popped not too long ago:

Me: Do you dare to imagine your parents have done oral?
Random friend: It's not whether I dare or not, but they didn't coz it's haram in islam.

It's common for children to be in denial when talking about parents' bedroom activity. Our parents were young once, had desires and loved to try things. Nothing about sex is new. Just think about the wisdom and knowledge in Kama Sutra and certain versions of Arabian Nights, you'll see that people in the older days really knew what sexual pleasure is ---- so well that till now, no other sex manual can replace Kama Sutra. If ancient people can be adventurous and creative in sex, why can't our parents? My point is, I'm sure there are people who religiously follow rules during sex but I believe most people see them as advices, not rules written in stone. So, don't be afraid to imagine your parents acting wild in bed. It's normal, really.

Don't be. It's part of his life, part of himself.

I said what I said to prepare you for this movie, Cloud 9 (German: Wolke 9), a story of new love in old age.


Aku yg berdosa specifically assigned me to do the movie review for Cloud 9, but I'd do it even if she didn't make that assignment. I know she didn't like it as much as I did. Even now, I still get goosebumps when I watch the trailer.



This is the story of a 67 years old lady (Inge) whose peaceful and ordinary life changed when she fell in love with a 76 year old man (Karl) and rediscovered passion in life, after being comfortably married to her husband (Werner) for 30 years. The storyline sounds ordinary enough, but it's unusually shocking to watch when the characters of the story are elderly folks, instead of unrealistically pretty people like Brad & Angelina. Perhaps some would think that the only thing that stands out is the age factor, but I think it takes balls to make a movie about old people, and that itself makes this extraordinary. Better than all those hollywood chick flicks with lousy acting.


If you can't feel the rawness of the sex scenes from watching the trailer, watch the first 2 minutes of this video:



This is Inge having sex with the husband. It's so real that I took a few long deep breaths while I was watching it. Pretty intense for an old couple, but the caress at the end was so tender, intimate and loving. I don't know if I'll be blessed enough to have sex like that when I reach her age. Catch a glimpse of the affair from 5:30 onwards. Feels like it's puppy love for them all over again. Won't call it comel but certainly doesn't look disgusting or dirty to me.


Of course, when it comes to affairs and infidelity, there's bound to be a lot of confusion, pain, guilt, anger etc. Inge struggled and was tortured by her internal conflicts -- elated because of the new found love but extremely guilty towards the husband yang tak bersalah at all. The husband totally didn't expect this as he thought they share a fulfilling relationship and clearly he's done nothing wrong, except for appearing to be a little too dull. Who would expect a woman in her late 60s to stray from societal norm? Kesian the old man but I also feel for the makcik. Sometimes it's not easy for the person at fault too. There's no right or wrong in love, but it's just hard to not blame someone when love fails. Can't we just blame it on the overwhelming desire and passion?


This is not your regular steamy movie. Nothing beats an emotional and genuine film like this. You may or may not be turned on by the sex scenes (If you do get turned on though, I'll be interested to know about it). Although the sex and aged bodies can be a source of discomfort, it's not the main focus of the film. Put yourself in their shoes and feel their emotions, you'll then appreciate the beauty of the movie. Highly recommended for people who have a white heart like me. Download the movie here

the unrestrained,
aku yg tak insaf

4 Rings of Love

[Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen]
Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week. 

~ From Annie Hall (1977)

Classic, but not always the case. Recently, a French woman divorced and demanded compensation from husband for their 21 years of undersex marriage. The judge granted and ordered the poor man to pay £8,500 for her loss. Kesian. Dah la his reason for failing to provide bedroom entertainment is because of "tiredness and health problems". You can imagine what it is la kan? Triple misfortune - lose woman, lose money and lose face.

“A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent. By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other.” ~the judge

Ideally, yes that should be the case. But how many couples still have passionate sex to show their affection after 5, 10, 20 years of marriage? I'd guess by 5 years into marriage, most couples have sex either to make babies, to pass time, or they've got nothing to say to each other. This lady asked for a divorce and claimed it's solely the husband's fault but do you seriously think she didn't have a single affair during those sexless years? Macam impossible je. How about this uncle is a gay and he's just being true to himself? Can't blame him also. But it's okay, things happen for a reason and a divorce might not be a disaster after all; You never know what's in it for you. Sometimes divorce means better sex.....


.....but sometimes it means more ridiculous spending on top of all the other things you need to pay to get away from the person who was once your cayunk.

An 18 karat gold divorce ring. Oh yea, this is the ring to celebrate (?) the end of your love affair -- engagement ring -> wedding ring -> suffering -> divorce ring. This divorce ring created by Spritzer and Furman costs US$3,200. A diamond dagger that splits the golden heart. How cruel. I know nothing about jewelery but the gold part looks kinda fake. Almost looks like a toy that lives inside a Kinder Bueno chocolate egg. Seriously, who would buy this? Not me definitely, I don't even want a wedding ring. Could be perfect for aku yg berdosa who tak habis-habis nak contract marriage. She can wear this ring to announce everytime her contract ends. Babe, since dah beli, might as well kahwin a few more times, baru la berbaloi. $3,200..worth how many karaoke sessions eh? Probably can perform Kau Yang Bernama Seri 800,000 times kot.

Also redundant, is this wedding ring coffin. If marriage is the tomb of love, can divorce bring you back to life or make you dig deeper into your love grave? I'd guess the latter, but what do I know?


Give a dead marriage its proper, final resting place. The Wedding Ring Coffin is the perfect gift for yourself or a loved one for bringing closure after a divorce. It’s time to... 

Bury the past and move on to a new tomorrow

When a marriage dies, what should be done with the wedding ring? Until now, millions of wedding rings have been banished to remote corners of sock and underwear drawers. Now you can give these wedding rings the proper final resting place they deserve.

No matter how they rationalize or sugercoat their marketing messages, this is just another unnecessary purchase for a dying (or dead) relationship. The only good news is, it costs only $35. Tak tau la kan..maybe your rationality died together with your marriage and you feel like you really need this to pull you through, then who am I to stop you from being ridiculous? Oh well, at least if you get this coffin instead of the stupid ring, you won't hate yourself as much when you wake up from the nightmare and regain your logical mind.

Check out other colors and designs here. Go ahead and get whatever you want, but don't lemme find out or you'll get an ice-cold laugh from me.

Be thankful if you're currently happily in love and/or married. You're lucky that's for sure, but not as lucky as her....



Incapable of loving,
aku yg tak insaf

Optional

15 Not So Important Facts about Sex 

1. 56% of men have had sex at work!
If you don't wanna feel left out,  make it a point to have your first sex-at-work next Monday and every Monday from then on. Say No to Monday blues.

2. According to popular men's magazine, more women talk dirty during sex than men.
I wonder if aku yg berdosa also....
 
3. Have a stuffy nose? Have sex! It's natural Anthistamine
But I won't have the mood for sex, neither do I want to have sex with a guy having stuffy nose. No appetite mah

4. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 states
Make it worldwide

5. Only 17% of women are likely to have an orgasm during sex. More foreplay, please!
Sex without foreplay is like eating KFC chicken without the skin

6. A man will ejaculate 18qt in his life. That's roughly half a trillion of those little guys.
About 17 liters that is. That's probably more than the love a man can give.

7. On average, men reach orgasm in 2.5 min, while women take 12 min.
12 min isn't that long; some take a lifetime to reach orgasm, or never.


8. Average erect penis size: 5inches. Smallest erect penis: 1cm
1cm...1cm...1cm....knowing this makes you feel like Tarzan, doesn't it?

9. Men that have a good, active sex life are likely to live past the age of 80.
If good and active sex life means having more than one sex partner, then I hope you won't live that long

10. Cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least.
I bet it's got something to do with men's desire to pop the cherry. The power of subconsciousness huh.

11. Female orgasms can actually cure headaches due to the release of endorphins. No more excuses ladies!
But reaching orgasm itself is already a big big headache

12. There are approximately 100 million acts of sex a day....Twitter reports the same number of tweets per day.
If only people have sex as often as they tweet

13. Male orgasm typically last seconds. Pig's orgasm typically lasts 30 minutes!
Tau la men are pigs (still, we love them anyway), but didn't expect they'll be compared side-by-side like this and totally didn't expect pigs to know how to enjoy more than their counterparts.

14. Skip the treadmill! You can burn 200 calories during 30 minutes of sex. A one-minute kiss can burn 26.
No wonder I tak kurus2 lagi.

15. 30% of women over the age of 80 still have sex with their spouses or boyfriends
Alhamdulillah. Hallelujah. Life's beautiful.

also known as seri,
aku yg tak insaf

Beastly Breasty

Women's boobs has always been a complicated and sensitive issue. Some aren't afraid of showing what they have, some try to hide them, some love to show off but get pissed when people can't take their eyes of them, some others want to share so bad but they've got nothing to show etc etc. We dah biasa with the first two categories, yang I paling tak tahan is the third group of people. If you're one of those pretentious folks, you should consider getting one of these.



I can't think of another way to look more ridiculous. Putting plastic boobs on my forehead? You've got to be kidding. I'd rather be naked. But the thing is, I doubt any stranger ever lay their eyes on mine. Plus my mum is in charge of the quality control of my dressings. Strictly no low cut, as long as I have to pass her security checkpoint before I go out. Sigh.

For guys who dream about having a pair of boobs to hold and squeeze anytime anywhere,  it's not a dream anymore....only if you have an iphone.

iBoobies iPhone case



Don't know what to say about this. You can't put this in your pocket and you can't even use it in places where you're expected to show some decency, e.g., in front of your boss and at your future-in-law's place. However, if none of these is a concern to you, get one from Amazon for only US$10. Murah kan especially since USD dah makin worthless.

Speaking of boobs squeezing, it's better to be caught squeezing a fake boobie iphone case, than the real boobs. Speed camera not only caught a China man speeding, but also squeezing a female passenger's boobs. Multitasker eh.


He claimed that no one was sitting next to him on that fatal day and that someone edited the picture before posting it on some kind of online forum. Ye la tu. Siapa yang tak ada kerja sangat nak photoshop a saman picture? Not like he's some kind of superstar. Now he plans to sue the traffic department for violation of privacy. Selamba je

In terms of showing females' assets on screen, I think Americans can be a little too shallow. I don't get why there's always a college frat party feel in their supposedly sexy commercials, tv shows and movies. Can't they be a little classier?



Compared that to this European ad for Liaison Dangereuse - a German lingerie store..well, actually there's no way to compare. They are not even in the same league.



Refreshingly sexy and for a while, it got me to believe that sexiness really is for everyone. Of course, I quickly realize that's not the case for me. Why would I stand in front of the mirror and admire my body, when there's nothing worth admiring? This is not about low self-esteem or insecurity; it's simply being truthful and realistic. Even with my current appearance I already berani to have a sex blog and let people imagine that I'm some kind of sex goddess (bukan I sendiri prasan, memang someone called me that on Yahoo. I pun terkejut ok.), I seriously dare not imagine what I'd be like if I were slimmer and prettier.

my sentiments too

Anyway, most men would still prefer the American type of sexiness, I believe. Men are visual beasts after all. They used to be visual animals, but I dengan baik hati nye promoted them to beasts. Btw, arab ladies in burqa have my full respect now. Before this, aku yg berdosa told me how they all wear branded baju sexy underneath the burqa. Seems like it's more than just that. Arabs really know the law of seduction best -- they just keep people guessing what's under that mysterious cloth, and that itself is arousing enough. (To be fair, I'm sure most of them wear it for the right intentions. No offense.)

Show you something creepy before I leave...


A hand bra. Apa lagi...it's already in my wishlist.

will be wearing my mum's unused bra,
aku yg tak insaf

Ma Mere (2004)

"There are no boundaries to desire"



Ma mère (French for "My mother") is not for anyone. You gotta put aside your closeted thinking, mindset, principles, otherwise I boleh guarantee you'll feel very disturbed with everything you see on screen. It's dark, bold, and perverted. The trailer doesn't show you all the woah scenes but the first two lines dah terus boleh give you a sense of where this film is heading.



Son to Mum: I'm happy to be alone with you. I have you all to myself. 

Raise your hand if you've said something like this to your mum before. I salute you.

Maybe our mums are nothing like this specific mum. Or perhaps our taste is not as unique as the son's. As much as I don't like to follow the mainstream, in this case, I really don't feel the need to be the odd, special one. I admit I always think my dad's pretty good-looking, but I'm not that crazy to want him all for myself. Kalau his wife bagi pun, no thanks.

******

After the father died, the mother (Helene) reveals her true, immoral, promiscuous self and invites her son (Pierre) into her world of wild parties, alcohol, drugs, and of course, sex.

Mum to Son: "If you really love me, then admit that I am disgusting."

Helene decides that it's time for Pierre to become a man, so she sets him up with her mistress/FB (fuck buddy), Réa. Encouraged by the mother, Réa takes his virginity just outside of a shopping center, with the mum watching from far. Pierre later fell in love with Hansi, another friend of Helene.


A scene in which Pierre turns into a doggie that likes to lick.



Pierre never really stop longing for his mum even when he's in a relationship with Hansi. The suffocating sexual tension eventually leads to a moment of forbidden intimacy between them. A semi-spoiler: the final scene is a shocking scene that you just can't miss. So, if you aren't curious enough to sit through the whole film, at least fast forward to the ending and watch it. Let me just say that there's no lack of sexually-charged scenes in this movie but a lot of them are not the loving, tender, happy kind that makes people feel bahagia or jealous. I personally think it's not something to watch with your significant other (or your mother, of course). It can be a little too heavy for a movie date night, unless dah tak tau nak buat apa and both of you are comfortable with it.


As you can guess, I get easily impressed by the audacity of French movies, contohnye Anatomy of Hell. Is it the wine and cheese thing that make French people so naturally daring? Some would think this is meaningless and sick (there's an extremely critical and negative review about this film on imdb. Click to read.) . But there's nothing wrong with going a little overboard in movies and I don't care if this is porn or art (that's up to you to decide anyway). If a film can't make me laugh or cry, it should be at least stimulating or even a little offensive. Not saying Ma mère is an outstanding movie, but to us, it's a memorably ridiculous one we'll never forget.


"I admit that her ass and joy in God are both holy. In fact, her ass makes me understand that I never really loved God.", said Pierre

To find out whose ass he's referring to -- his mum or his gf -- download the full movie here

Btw, someone called me aku yg bersalah the other day. Not too happy about that. Since when I bersalah?! Cis.

always berbetul,
aku yg tak insaf

Online-Online Cari Jodoh

Tetiba dapat chance to meet with aku yg berdosa for a day tomorrow but this girl dared to tell me not only she can't be with me the whole day, we can only meet for karaoke. Freaking 3 hours sahaja. I seriously need to insert Yahoo's angry emoticon here. That's my favorite angry emoticon among all the messengers coz it looks the angriest, which truly reflects my fiery temper. Kalau marah, mesti kena keluar asap. Not A.S.A.P ok. The real asap.

Angry like this la. Understand?!

As usual, I will check out Arab dudes kat where-else-but-bukit-bintang again. This time I hope they can be generous and show their faces. If you happen to have Arab friends around that area, do me a favor. Do something to get them, their friends, their friends' friends, their friends' acquaintances.....if possible, everyone to hang out near bukit bintang tomorrow night. You're not doing this not only for me, but mainly for my eyes and heart. Dah lama tak dapat eye candy and experience heart-throbbing moments. I can't afford to be disappointed yet again. Don't make me lose faith in the quality of guys in this country. It won't do you any good.

If can, like this lagi la best

Believe it or not, I'm not trying to find love or jodoh. Which reminds me, this is one of the lines we hated the most when we watched The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. "I'm here to find love". Yea right. Equally annoying are things like "I know I'm here for the right reasons", "I think I'm falling for xxx", "This is AMAZING". Those scriptwriters should seriously go have a Kit Kat. Let me take over.

Anyways...

This is not a season of love for me. Is it a season of sex? Well, I don't know. I haven't felt the compelling urge for a long time. So what the hell am I looking for? I'm still looking for what I am searching for. Life's hard man.

But for those of you who are looking for love but tak nak (or don't believe you can) meet your jodoh through reality TV shows, here are some resources for ya.




Date Generous People
Stop wasting time. Successful and generous people will pay for the chance to impress you on a first date. Traditional online dating can cost you both time and money. Here, you‘ll enjoy meeting people who will fight to show you they are worth your time.
Join Now, it’s 100% Free

Date Attractive People
Online dating can be costly, but generosity can go a long way. Pay your date the cost of dating, and you’ll end up on first dates with more beautiful, gorgeous and sexy people than you can handle. Guaranteed!
Don’t settle, date the best.
Pay only when you get a date.

You can read the details about how it works and other things they say for marketing purposes from the website. But you know what turns me off about this dating site? Seems like they're suggesting that you have to choose between generosity (which they cleverly use to avoid mentioning "rich" coz we know very well a generous person is not necessarily rich and vice versa) and attractiveness. We can't have both sides of the world, can we? To be fair, I didn't browse through the members to see any of them possess both. I just assume there aren't any. The bottom line is, don't make me choose. I hate making decisions.

I just wanna encourage aku yg berdosa to read the How it works section. There are some date ideas for you. Banyak je lagi benda that you can do with your bf that you can't stop talking about.






Let’s face it... It’s human nature for people to want younger and more attractive partners. It’s also natural for younger men & women to seek out more experienced, sophisticated partners, specifically those who have the means of providing them with comforts and luxuries.

While some society may have laid down a set of unsaid rules about extra-Marital affairs or pre-Marital sex, who is to say what is "right" or "wrong"? In the past, Kings, Shahs and Emperors have had multiple lovers or concubines. It is human instinct to be attracted to beauty, as it is to be attracted to wealth and power. Remember, that life is short and you only live once... so, why not explore what it may be like to find an ideal arrangement today

Brutally honest. The site has an overall rather serious and heavy tone. Maybe they're trying too hard to sound reliable and trustworthy. Why so serious la? People just wanna have fun. I still prefer the cheekily straightforward "when romance meets finance".


Related Seeking series
seekingmillionaire.com
seekingfantasy.com





Found out about this website a few years ago. Can't believe it's still around. Pretty fun, I think. You can choose whether you wanna rate men, women or both and the age range. After you vote, you'll see the average rating for that person, which you can then figure out if you have weird taste and if your standards are too high/low. I rated that girl 6, now look at the result:


This is not a matter of taste. I just don't look at women. Zero interest.

Scroll down further, you can click on "More about me" for more information about that person. If you think he/she is cool, then go ahead and click that blue circle to meet him/her. While I'm typing here, I rated a few guys and I think people are being a little too kind and lenient. Those that I gave 5 or 6 always turn out to have an average of at least 8. Wth.

I imagine if I sign up and have people rate my photo, I'll get a miserable 3.7 or something like that. Patut ke sign up? Hmm. I wonder if there are Malaysians in there. So far memang didn't come across any Melayu. If you catch one, take a screenshot and email it to us (diediemustlove at gmail.com) please. Kalau nak send your own picture, err.....pun boleh la.

If you want to put in some special effort to find your jodoh who might be somewhere out there in the cyberspace, I suggest making a video-dating profile. Make sure it's funny enough. If you're as hilarious as this makcik, I'd love to be friends with you. This is a must-watch, I'm telling you.



Check out this list if you need more inspiration. There are some really good ones, no kidding.

Hope you will find your happiness soon, if you haven't already found it. I can sense that mine is patiently waiting for me in a wedding dress.

where art thou?
Frust but still tak sabar to berkaraoke,
aku yg tak insaf

Sex and Lucía (2001)






Yes people. Believe the tagline. The only thing running through my mind while watching this was, Damn, how I wish I have a boyfriend husband right now so I could do *this* and *that* to/with him. The things running through ATI's mind... I wasn't sure. Coz she fell asleep while watching this, that mad woman.

It's been a long time, (few months ago) so I don't remember the details very much. But I didn't forget how beautiful, sexy and crazy this movie was. Dark too, it opens with a girl receiving a call telling her that her a 'roommate' had just committed suicide. But then the movie cuts to a scene in the past, where two strangers were seen kissing and humping passionately under a full moon, in the freaking ocean. Probably somewhere in the Mediterranean. They were like mermaids, soft blue lights and shadows reflected on their body. It looked magical and freaking awesome. It was the girl's birthday, and later after what seemed like a very satisfying orgasm for both, the guy asked about her name, age, where she lived etc... but the girl refused as she wanted the encounter to remain mysterious. 




The movie moves between timelines in a very stylistic manner. So the storyline keeps you guessing, guessing till the end.. Fast forward a few years, we learn that the guy is a writer yang tengah ketandusan idea. But this lucky fellow soon met a muse in the form of a young fan who is not only pretty but worships him as well (Lucia acted by Paz Vega). You know what happens next.


Satisfied.

They went on to have a love affair and a sexual relationship that most people would be envious of (including yours truly). Seriously, how did the director/screenwriter come up with such creative erotic scenes yang sexy tanpa kelihatan softcore? Some of it weren't new, but they manage to come up with fresh ways of presenting sexual obsession. My favorites were (semangat pulak lah nak cerita):


1. Naked romp on kitchen table, blindfolded. Before that, Lucia woke her guy up by feeding him her lovely parts... you know where.


Sekadar gambar hiasan cause baby this looks goood.


2. Polaroids taken of intimate poses/ body parts while they were having sexytime. Masa pegi dating in public, they sneakily take out the polaroid pics to tease and remind each other of the naughty times.




[Source]


3. Striptease by gf that was hot, followed by the bf's strip which was adorable as hell. Sigh. I'll put the clips down here. Whoever can achieve this kind of cuteness in front of me I'll definitely [censored] him.


Dark comedy + psychological thriller + unbelievably high class fap material. Lots of drama (ie. stepfather, daughter and mother love triangle), passion dan sebagainya that wraps you in and gets you confused at times, but you'll enjoy it. Plus the soundtrack and shooting locations were heavenly. I mean, tell me this view doesn't turn you on.


Me too, Lucia. Me too. 



Oh so jealous,
Sexless and AYB

Jangan Nakal-Nakal

Uno: 

Creepy finger placement. Mila Kunis at a photocall for Friends with Benefits in Berlin. (July 29, 2011) [Source]


Dos: 
Sad, creepy and weird story of a guy who ejaculated into his coworker's tumblr. The girl discovered his semen in it after she sent her drinking water for a DNA test. Lallana "felt that was as close as he could get" to the 29-year-old executive assistant, said Deputy District Attorney Brock Zimmon. [Read More Here]
The 32-year old from Fullerton admitted that he ejaculated into an "attractive" co-worker's water bottle because "her lips had touched it." 

This is a reminder to us all, tolong jangan leave your botol air sesuka hati! Also, don't think I can't find you if you've ejaculated into my water. Yucks.

Also lazy, 
Aku Yg Berdosa

E-Mage

In one of her posts, Aku Tak Insaf mentioned how fat she's feeling recently, and sempat juga memerli I dengan mengatakan bahawa I dah kurus. She's definitely one of the most dramatic person I've known my entire life. Memang all girls have the tendency to create drama especially when talking about their physical appearance. Sometimes I feel kesian that guys (or other girls) have to bear with this kind of nonsense. But then again, you can also think of it as a kind of leverage for them. For example, when the bf sees that gf has obviously gained weight and is stressed about it, the bf can say, "Eh, suka la you nampak dah chubby sket. Finally!" She may pretend to not believe you, but trust me, a little sweetness sometimes can go a long way. After all, you are the ones responsible for our poor body image.

Personally, I'm trying to ignore my own obsession with how fat I look. So now I avoid looking below my neckline in the mirror. Tapi, tiba2 pulak I ter-over focus on my own face, and more and more notice how "mature" I look now. Hated the fact that once, ade orang yang berani call I "Puan" even though I am only in my early twenties. Siapalah yang tak reti nak pakai spek mata tu? Oh, betapa terguris nya hatiku! Now I know why it is rude for guys not to ask the age of a lady. But what can I do, I sendiri pun tak layak nak diconsider a lady.

To console my poor soul, I reminded myself over and over that AGE and SIZE does not matter! Nasib baik this is proven when Helen Mirren was voted to have Body of the Year recently. Despite being 66yrs old, nenek ni berjaya come out on top of the list of hotness mengalahkan other younger stars, sekaligus membuktikan yang ATI and myself pun hot stuff yg hot on the market jugak! Kita mmg umpama pau kacang yang steamy dan char kuey tiao yang greasy. Rambut Helen Mirren pun full of uban, so thank God, that also means we don't need to worry about our sneaky uban problem now! FYI Helen also starred in movies were younger men fell in love with older women (a dream of ATI), like A French Gigolo. So there you go. You need not worry about getting old or getting out of shape, gierls!







Yg Hot (self assigned),
Puan Aku Yg Berdosa

CSR


If you always find yourself in this position...



then you'll find this extremely useful: 

Diesel's blowjob kneepad


















This lady who had her share of of of......friends doesn't seem impressed though:



Apparently it's not for sale. You could have gotten this for free if you spent over $150 in India's Diesel stores, a few months ago. Bila lagi nak jumpa such an understanding present? Who wants ugly keychain and coin purse (or other similarly uselessly hadiahs) as free gifts when we've paid a lot and put ourselves at the risk of being pok kai even before the month ends?

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Sometime last month, Qantas Airways also made a bold decision to introduce a documentary titled The Female Orgasm Explained in their in-flight entertainment system.




The French-made film has been included in the airline's in-flight entertainment programme on its international flights to help viewers 'understand the intricacies of the female orgasm,' said a spokesman

It's unsurprising that it has become the most viewed in-flight program. Who bothers to watch mainstream movies when you're given the option to watch something steamy openly in the public? Kalau orang provide, kita tengok je. Apa salah nye? Jangan turn up the volume sampai neighbors can hear the lagu-lagu moaning coming out from your headphones sudah. Of course it'll be perfect if your beloved's your only neighbor. Boleh gersang sama2.

Very thoughtful, daring and unconventional gimmick for an airline. But still doesn't change the top 3 airlines in my wishlist -- Emirates, Ethiad and Qatar -- for obvious reasons. One day, I wanna gather all their air stewards to serve me and only me. Like what I told aku yg berdosa (tapi in a different context la),

"No no no, I don't want information and conversation; I just want attention." 

See, actually senang je nak satisfy me.

But of course you're not me. I don't blame you if you book a Qantas flight just because you're curious about this new service. They're showing that film till November, so grab a ticket for yourself and your gersang friends before it's too late. If you get uncontrollably aroused dalam plane, just make sure something like this doesn't happen to you:


Btw, came across a deal just now-- 4 for rm133.20 2D1N stay at Afamosa (fyi, by the time you read this, the deal mesti dah expire). Suddenly feel like going on a holiday tapi malas to think about who to invite, start inviting, get rejected, invite lagi, finally ada orang agree, plan, reserve, pack, travel....bla bla bla. I'm too lazy even to have fun. No wonder someone said this to me recently,

"can you play gym to be not lazy?" 

Perhaps you don't find it funny but aku yg berdosa and I can't stop laughing at it. What to do? You're not us, you won't understand.

How sombong is that?

don't even wanna look at u
proudly lazy,
aku yg tak insaf
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