Solution

Lately, I've been too tired to think about sex. I still think about this blog, just not sex. If my man can't perform in bed because of his crazy workload, I think I might be his understanding lady and allow him to love me less.

Then again, it's hard to picture myself becoming that kind of woman. I expect too much from people. If you can't concentrate, don't initiate a conversation. If you can't give me your whole self, don't offer me your heart (or dick). Once you decide you have what it takes to become a victim of my possessiveness, there's no turning back. Friends and lover(s) alike. 

Totally unrelated: yesterday I passed by a kedai urut in the shopping mall. Written on the poster:

Foot   RMxx/hour
Body  RMxx/hour
Soul   RMxx/hour

Soul...soul?! How do you urut someone's soul? Serious amazing. Should have checked with the staffs wth is that. Nevermind. Dekat je. I'll go back one day and check that out. If they berjaya to find my long-lost soul, I don't mind paying 30 or 40 to have it massaged too.

hoping soul massage will be as best as this

Another weird stumbleupon: Neuro-gasm

NeuroGasm® is a delicious, lightly carbonated drink formulated with ingredients to promote "playful" energy. So often our hectic lifestyles deprive us of the energy needed to engage in various activities. NeuroGasm provides ingredients at effective dosage levels supplying energy for all the playful activities you choose.  Included in NeuroGasm is the synergistic combination of caffeine and L-theanine. Caffeine and L-theanine are ingredients found in green tea; in conjunction they provide energy without the edginess commonly associated with caffeine alone. Other NeuroGasm nutrients include Alpha GPC, Phosphatidylserine and a full range of B-vitamins. NeuroGasm provides energy for whatever activity you have in mind. 

Sounds exactly like what I need nowadays. The energy to be playful. I have no activity, playful or not, in mind. I don't even have nafsu for food. I still eat but I don't fantasize about food anymore. When I have some alone time at the end of the day, I just feel like sitting and mindlessly scrolling through pictures. Yep, pictures. Static and motionless, just like me. I don't even have the capacity to handle videos.

When the long weekend's finally here, I thought I regained some energy and have nafsu for something: movies with a group of men doing stupid things that can make me laugh. How I miss The Big Lebowski, Super Troopers and The Hangover. By the time I finished buying the dvds, I quickly realized that I was tired again and not that excited to watch those movies anymore. Now the dvds are still lying inside the black plastic bag untouched. Damn. I really need to be playful and think about sex again. Tahi la.

Before I can use some Neurogasm to give me the energy to do something playful, I need to reinstall the playful activities gadget in my system. Any product that can help me with that?

I think I need this....

this...

this....

and this....

all of them here....

with myself, of course. It'll be a little crampy for a party of 5, but I guess they won't mind, coz I certainly don't.

Ahhhhhhh...life's full of hope again. Turning me on is as simple as this.

Or if you happen to be my type, I'll turn into a switch with automatic sensor -- you just need to walk by and I'll be automatically turned on.

easily satisfied,
aku yg tak insaf

Get a Grip

I hate exercising and I don't like men who are too obsessed about gymming and working out. Muscles should come by naturally from doing regular physical work like water well drilling, wood chopping, house maintenance etc.

Ok fine. These aren't that regular. I'll never find a man who wears suits and knows how to do all those things.

Never mind. I don't really care if he wears suits. I favor men in white tshirt and jeans (untucked).

Forget it. I actually prefer guys to be naked.

How beautiful. The shadows of the blinds make him look like a zebra, but still he's a gorgeous zebra. Geram.

Anyway, a few videos of men doing some kind of manual work. So ridiculous they make me laugh. Only one of them is for real. See for yourself.







Hilariously hideous. Life's miserable without ridicule and someone to care for your sexual well-being....

stomach's full of soup,
aku yg tak insaf

Discreet Aid

Not looking forward to Monday. Don't know about aku yg berdosa. I for sure am not excited about leading the life of an adult. I hope after this, I'll still feel young/childish and wild enough to do something as useless as writing a sex blog. Not really useless but when people know about this blog, their first impression is almost always "you've got nothing better to do". Ya, so what? I can afford to waste time on this. Biar la me.

I wish I can still say the same a few months from now. Don't wanna grow up and become a sensible adult. Tak nak. 

(Too moody to think of reasonable transition)

****************

Handzoff Anti-Masturbatory Gum

 
“We know nature's urges can arise at the most inappropriate of times. That's where HandzOff Anti-Masturbatory Gum comes in handy. When you've got the fire down low and must say no -- chew HandzOff instead. Two handz off chews offer 4 to 6 hours of relief.  You may chew up to 120 pieces daily as needed."

God bless your jaws don't get dislocated after chewing 120 freaking pieces of this gum. One of the most senseless sex products. (don't) Get it here

Another meaningless but slightly more macho gadget...

Nasa Scope Sperm Microscope

Use the various lens to get a maximum magnification of 1200 times and REALLY get to know how your body works. This set includes not only the powerful yet novice-friendly microscope, but also samples for you to test out your scientific skills before you get more personal.

Come on. Do you REALLY need to know how your body fluid looks like at 1200x super close-up? I bet you do. US$137 sahaja. Investment of a lifetime baby.

Boys, your toys are too childish. Take a look at the ones designed for us. Much more sophisticated and refined.

The Duet USB Vibrator

Watch the inventors talk about the product.



"Women are afraid of buying batteries because they're afraid that people would look at them as if they're buying batteries for their vibrator"

Tak pernah takut pun. Other than this afraid-to-buy-battery theory, this thing looks pretty promising. I'd buy one, provided no one will ever notice I'm using the same stick to satisfy myself and store my presentation slides. Details about the vibrator and the other options (almost like buying iphone and buddies)

Last one for today..

Liptrick

Not afraid to admit, I want this. Of course there's the risk of either staining my vaginal lips with the real lipstick or overstimulating the lips on my face with this pirated lipstick. But I don't care. I want it. It's a vibrator by the way. From Booty Parlor

pre-Monday blues,
aku yg tak insaf

Better than Sex (2000)

What's better than sex? Love? What a cliché.

I'd say, it depends. Are you comparing good love vs bad sex, good love vs good sex, bad love vs good sex or bad love vs bad sex? Love's clearly better only in the first case. The others..I'm not so sure. The movie seems to suggest that love is better than sex. Or perhaps it's the possibility of love that's better than sex? I don't know. You tell me after watching.

Better Than Sex (2000)

Josh (David Wenham) and Cin (Susie Porter) met at a party and shared a cab on the way back. They're sexually attracted to each other and decided to spend the night together. Predictably, the awesome chemistry between them makes extension a no brainer. One becomes three.



Typical storyline. First fall in love with the body and sex, then only the person. Harmless and casual fling triggers the desire to want more. Nothing extraordinary but it's a nice and fun little film to watch while snuggling with your lover on the couch. As long as it leads to sex in real life, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Charming characters, funny moments, natural acting, sparks and....bodies. Sex in here is playful, electrical and inseparable -- so my type. Why hasn't something like this happen to me?

While the movie isn't particularly thought-provoking, I think the interviews, internal monologues and dialogs add a touch of honesty and all those talks about gender differences/stereotypes will probably give you a few heartfelt smiles.

(source: imdb)
Cin: [internal monologue] So that was it. I really felt like sex. I want sex. I need sex. I love sex.

Josh: It's sexy when their hips and their bottoms start to move around like that. But after a while I felt like my jaw was going to drop outta my head.

Josh: [on the phone] Hey, Cin, it's me. Look I'm outside the apartment and I think the only thing for us to do is to have sex immediately.

[internal monologues]
Cin: I want my bed.
Josh: I need to sleep.
Cin: No more sex, god, I can't take it anymore.
Josh: I hate sex.
Cin: I just want to get into bed.
Josh: I just want to go to sleep.
 
Josh: I don't know, there's something really exciting when you click with someone. Feeling them become aroused, feeling their hunger and their passion, like you've let something out of a cage. The noises, the heat, that moaning thing, their desire. Sometimes it's hard to let go of just like that. 

Keep in mind that this isn't a movie that's meant to be deep or meaningful or whathaveyou. It's a light-hearted romantic comedy alright. Just download the movie, sit back and enjoy.

wanna stay in bed all day,
aku yg tak insaf

The Void

I've listed down a list of excuses for my inexcusable absence here, but that'll make for a long-winded entry. So.

Keeping this short and simple, what is sex for other than to make babies / occupy time?

I give you 10 seconds to make a list of 10 reasons. Please leave your answer in the comment box below.


PS. If you're not doing it, then you might as well read about it:

In which a cancer patient would rather die than not have sex 

In which two married Singaporeans have no idea what sex is after 12 years of marriage

In which Canadian ladies are not choosy of semen 

In which these female bloggers are more attention seeking than us

In which guys can use this excuse for boob-slapping

And if you want to be doing it here's how not to go about it:

Flirting at the office

Yes, let's. 

AYB.

VIP

Caution: A completely meaningless post ahead. While the author's writing this, her level of disorientation is similar to a person suffering from concussion. Read at your own cost.

Not my usual self today. I'm referring to the blog-self. There are other selves -- family-self, friend-self, lover-self, outsider-self, alone-self etc that exist within myself. Anyway, allow me to get a little personal today. Once in a while je, tak apa kan?

Lost touch with a VIP for a week. Was a little worried why I didn't hear from him at all. This morning, I dreamed that it's because he got into some serious shit. Drug trafficking (Thanks to the Hong Kong crime drama I berusaha to finish in 3 nights). It's the kind of dream that you try to bangun and get yourself out of it coz you don't wanna deal with it, but you're so worried that every time you sambung tidur, the story continues on coz you have things that haven't been said/done and you just can't let it go even though you know it's just a dream. [Never mind if you have never experienced something like that. Just pretend you understand.] Bottom line is, the dream felt disturbingly real. It was suffocating.

He called in an hour. Phew. Terus tenang. Finally confirmed he didn't get arrested for drug trafficking. At that moment, I know what his status is in my life.

To be honest, before this, I get a little stressed out sometimes when he calls. Too much unspoken and unexplained tension between us. For many reasons. There was a time, if you asked me to put a label, it's gotta be "it's complicated". But now, I know it's not. That's too general of a status for us. "It's complicated" relationships are more for modern and trendy people. We're too old fashioned for that. He's a VIP to me, and we share a VIRUS. Very important relationship between us. It was, is and will always be important, regardless of our relationship status.

We can't change history and we can't predict the future. My grandma who has serious memory issues asked me today, "are you married?"

Me: Nope, lazy.

Grandma: Hish, everyone has to get married.

I don't think so. But because she's grandma, I left it that way.

I always say I don't wanna get married, although I think I'll marry someone eventually. Lately I've been telling people, I'll marry the next guy I fall heavily for. I'll make it quick. No years after years of getting to know each other. Just skip the nonsense and get into the system, if and only if I fall heavily enough. Now who knows what "heavy" feels like at x point in y years? Maybe after a long, dry period, "heavy" is just like a light stir in present terms. Or it could be as shakening as a 9.0 magnitude earthquake. Doesn't mean the one I end up being with is the best for me. It doesn't mean anything. It simply means I'm married to him. He just happens to trigger that impulse, or some other forces push me into that marriage.  He could be everything I don't want in a man. He could be everything, or nothing. He might not be the last. I might still have affair and/or divorce.

Nowadays I tend to be indifferent when people in love try to share the sweet little things they do together or whatnot. It's not even bitter. Bitter is better coz it means I feel strongly about something. Indifference is the worst. Unconcerned and uninterested. Can't even pretend to feel "aww, that's cute. I'm happy for you". The happiness is transient. Longer for some couples, shorter for others. Either way, the happiness is temporary. I hope they'll realize that they don't have to share it with everyone, just keep it to yourself. Sharing with others won't push back your happiness' best-before date. When the happiness is taken away (or thrown away), you won't have anything left.

.............

And suddenly, I lost my train of thoughts. I guess my conclusion is, my relationship status: disabled/handicapped.

a mass mess,
aku yg tak insaf

Bored and Bosan

I'm bored. Read this post only if you're feeling the same. I don't wanna drag you into the state of infinite boredom.

For people who have nothing better to do and just feel like mengintai orang, you can:

- watch a woman undress and dress in 20 secs

- watch a model pee in the woods

- watch a woman clean the floor

- learn something new from eyecandies at eyehandy.com

learn everything you don't need to know here


Unfortunately, none of these work for me. Still bored. Damn bored *yawn*

needing new eyecandy to keep myself going,
aku yg tak insaf

Curiosity

Was playing around with a few Google toys and found this.

Zeitgeist 2010: How the world searched

This is the top 10 Most popular "how to" google searches

1. get pregnant
2. kiss
3. impress a girl
4. improve spoken english
5. reduce weight
6. gain weight
7. tie a tie
8. create a website
9. make money
10. meditate

Guess which country did this statistic come from?

If you secretly guessed Malaysia...sorry, we can't be friends. I'm not that uncreative.

Well, it's from India. I loled at everything, except for #8 and 9. Lemme offer some advice and enlighten Indians who happen to be reading this.

1. How to get pregnant.

Can't believe they're still googling this. I thought they can't stop making babies, and one of the reasons is because the average condom is too big for them. My advice: do your country a favor and learn how to not get pregnant instead. I don't know how Indians get pregnant, but for us Malaysians, this is how we do it

 

easy, no?

2. How to kiss

Hmm..biar betul. Don't know how to kiss? It's like eating. Let your lips touch hers, then bite.

step 1

yep, remember, biting is a must

3. How to impress a girl

If you like her, ignore her. If you can't, pray to god that you're good with words. May this story be your inspiration.



4. How to improve spoken English
Talk less

5 and 6: How to reduce/gain weight

Eat sleep eat sleep.

7. How to tie a tie

It's tying the knot that's hard. Ex Canadian Prime Minister can teach you how to tie a tie.

 

late Pierre Trudeau

8 and 9: How to create website and how to make money

If I knew, I wouldn't be using blogspot and writing an ad-free blog.

10. How to meditate

Forget about meditation. Just sleep.

Alright, now guess where the list below comes from:

1. what is love
2. what is life
3. wikipedia
4. what is internet
5. dictionary
6. translate
7. what is the weather
8. what is marketing
9. what is accounting
10. what is 3g

United Arab Emirates. Top of the list is "what is love"? Awww so cute, so sweet, so naturally jiwang. (I'm biased, very biased). The rest I have no comment, but here's my take on the first two.

This is love....

and this is life...

[source]

If you agree with both, you could very well be my soulmate. Please contact me.*

*offer limited to arab dudes only.

Find out about other top-10s from India, UAE, Malaysia (Inspira? Really?) and other regions.

Looking forward to 2011 Top 10 Indian's How-to searches.

curiosity killed my time,
aku yg tak insaf

Wicked Game

Just when I'm bored and sleepy, suddenly get turned on by this song. I swear with every dust in my house that it's got nothing to do with the unbelievably steamy music video or the singer's sex appeal. It's the voice. Damn, what an arousing voice. Tak tahan. *shiver* This is going into my list of songs to make love to.




Wicked Game

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

thumping white heart,
aku yg tak insaf

No Glove, No Love

I don't like strapless bra.

I know it's none of your concern. It's just a conversation starter.

Now you know how socially awkward I am.

not as awkward as this pose, but close.

If you can't handle a condom well at times - whether it's because you're drunk, rabun, impatient or just clumsy in nature - this might be something for you.

strap-on condom [source]

Like bras, condoms now have straps. Watch the product demo.



Quikstrips - two disposable polyethylene strips rolled into either side of the sheath. Sensis goes on in a split second (so the moment is not lost), and is actually enjoyable to apply. Lubrication stays where it belongs. No latex smell on the hands. No touching of the condom means less chance of tearing or nicking, and correct reservoir spacing at the tip is assured. Altogether, many common user errors that can compromise protection are eliminated. 

Not sure I'm convinced, but no biggie. Not like I'll be the one buying and wearing it. If it's as easy as she claimed, then my man should have no problem putting it on. If he does, then we're not meant to be. (Get your stock here) I honestly don't remember anything she said other than a couple of firm "Awesome"s. Can't agree with the title of this Dr.Romance's website "SEX Has Never Been This FUN! Sexpert Heather explains how". Really huh? Sex has always been fun, honey. It's fun with or without your explaining how.

However, if your problem is less technical but more biological, then you should probably consider the Viagra condom. Don't start thinking "Untung la, no need to buy viagra". The world doesn't work that way.  It doesn't contain Viagra but theoretically, it can help men maintain their erection when they're wearing the condom. It's not out in the market yet. Meanwhile, just use your willpower to keep that erection of yours firm and strong.

pandai-pandai estimate the distance yourself

Another condom designed to make things easier for you. Pronto Condoms from South Africa.



Tertarik? Then get the distribution rights for Malaysia coz it's available in South Africa only. Tak percaya, check out the website sendiri.

Also from South Africa, it's something for us ladies. Finally. Rape-aXe invented by Dr. Sonnet Ehlers



The woman inserts the latex condom like a tampon. Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man's penis during penetration, Ehlers said. 

Once it lodges, only a doctor can remove it -- a procedure Ehlers hopes will be done with authorities on standby to make an arrest.

"It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it's on," she said. "If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter... however, it doesn't break the skin, and there's no danger of fluid exposure."

Takut tak? I don't mind biting my man's penis if he misbehaves but I'll leave it to the condom to bite a rapist's. I doubt Malaysian girls would wear this scary little thing everyday to protect themselves. I think pepper spray or even bad breath/a few atomic fart bombs is more practical than this.

Conclusion nye, always use a condom unless your lady specifically told you not to or if your condom will make us fat.

condomplating,
aku yg tak insaf

AID(E)S

Works from French AIDS prevention NGO -- AIDES.



Not a traditional steamy clip but I suspect this is arousing enough for guys who get turned on easily, which is erm..95% of the male population (the other 5% consists of the elites -- sex psychos, sex maniacs, ultraperverts and rapists). In the end, watching this video only prompts people to have sex, not safe sex. A little too vibrant and nakal for everybody, except for les Francais. Teach me how to not love them. If I have the option to get organ transplant, I'd request for a French heart and brain.



What has it got to do with AIDS? The answer is at the end of the video. Vivez assez longtemps pour trouver le bon. Live long enough to find the right one. How tersirat. Japanese are the pros in sexual animation (I'm not a fan of hentai; you perverts would know better.), but I think this video's pretty neat nevertheless. At least I can feel her why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-man desperation. Doesn't mean I'm feeling it now though. I just wanna be a proud and carefree man-less woman for now.

Female version: Just protect yourself from the penis octopus, penis turtle, penis seaworms, tongue corals etc. This is why I haven't learn diving. The underwater world is full of danger. Takut.

Guys don't need protection. Women are the kindest and cutest creatures.

World of Sex -- The safer you play, the longer you stay. The Clit Coaster and The Tunnel of Love look haramest, but I bet you'd love 'em. Nak introduce this concept to Dr. Ng Yen Yen. Ni baru la niche market. I'm sure she'll will do anything to boost Malaysia's tourism. Percayalah.

going to jaga api now,
aku yg tak insaf

Big

Thaaaaaaannnnk Yooooooooooou to our biggest fan for setting up and updating KGAS's facebook page. It's now up and running again! Check it out: Die Die Must Love

"You know who you are" is too skema, therefore not my style. So, terima kasih ye, Mr. AcidFlynN Wraith. Feel free to let us know if you need anything for the page.

Here's to everyone =)

less tv more sex,
aku yg tak insaf

Pepeliks IV

Japan Erection (Tsunami style)

Can this Japanese dude be any weirder? Tak pasal2 wear a strap-on giant penis inspired by his country (if you failed Geography, check out how Japan looks like on the map), make, tape, and upload a WTH stunt like this. He's weird, but we're dumb -- dumb enough to spend 2 mins watching this ridiculous show. Hopeless betul.


Soup for Sluts Ramen

Not bad English or Packaging Fail. Sluts are indeed cheap, fast and easy, just like instant noodles. If your favorite hobby is having one-night stand, keep some of these in your drawer and give it to your disposable sex partner. Then you won't have to worry about her clinging on you, when you want nothing else but for her to leave after a pleasurable (or not) night. Anyway, whether you love sluts or you happen to be a slut, you can get the ramen here for $2.99 (Note: per packet). Now who says it's cheap?


Vagina Tent



I wanna guess this is another Japanese creation but the apartment's size is H U G E for their standard. It's creepy, but I'd love to go camping and have sex in the tent, then crawl out like a baby with my man. How cute. (btw, what's up with the cheerful background music?!)


Indonesian Groom Turns Out to be Woman 
[source]

'The suspicion became bigger as her heavy voice suddenly changed into a female one,' said local police chief Krisnandi. 

In order to save face the bride's parents found their daughter’s ex-boyfriend and convinced him to step in and marry her.

Hmm. Someone will marry me and find out I'm actually a man. Look out for the news.

You ni M or F?

yang pening,
aku yg tak insaf

Grey Area

For legal-conscious and/or health-conscious folks...

Sexual Harassment Case 1

Sexual Harassment Case 2

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 1

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 2

Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 3

"A jamming sex-machine-gun? Stop smoking."  By Cancer Society of Finland


Health/Hygiene Awareness Giveaway 4

same here

occasionally quiet,
aku yg tak insaf