For some reason, our attitude towards life and responsibilities have been really lax this week. What better way, then, to make use of time then to blindly go through a series of movies with no sense of purpose or direction, other than to serve you mysterious readers out there.
Sometimes in life, we need to experience varieties in order to fully appreciate things. Well, our selection this time each has its own uniqueness... please read on to find out. Janganlah tekan video je ye. Although that is okay too, since Aku Tak Insaf has spent so much time and energy searching for them. Hehe.
First in store is probably the funniest. We'd say this would be the kind of thing to put on the DVD when you have a bunch of friends (secretly horny idiots) around to entertain. It's farce, it's funny, and it features girls with varying boob size for the satisfaction of a wide range of audience. Guys will love this as well, as there is absolutely no birdie in sight, only oysters. For fans of Sex and Zen, and Japanese AV, history, legends, period movies and whatnot.
The lucky guy. He has no time to think of ex-lovers. Goes around shattering hearts with his warm gun. Pursues work in government for money, power and extra leisure time. How smart.
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| hkcinemagic.com |
This scene might not be as haram as you'd think. That's his wife on top, and she clearly approves.
This, however is haraaaaammmm super duper haram. What is he doing, you ask? Why, answering a female monk's (nun) prayers of course.
An awkward moment for the two of us. ATI had to run away to avoid seeing this. A glimpse of one of the most disgusting, ancient fetishes ever. If you have not heard of foot binding... well you should visit this blog more often to not miss out on other important life lessons. This, however, is an unrealistic depiction of a bound foot. I hope they did not use a child for this. To my future husband, you massage my feet every night pun cukup lah ye. Tak perlu sampai macam ni. Hihiks.
Since most of you visual animals don't bother to read anyway, here are videos for you to get an idea of what made us laugh so much. For the full experience, however, we encourage you to buy/download/stream the movie so you get a sense of the storyline yang so deep and mendalam.
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Son witnesses parents having sex. Mother dies shortly afterwards. This movie is so unrealistic, the son didn't even got sad or traumatized afterwards. Sabar je la. Instead, he grew up with lessons on how to make his gun turn into steel. Geez. Dad was also so relaxed. He told the son, "Son, all you need to satisfy women is your [thing]. Learn how to get into their hearts and minds, and 15 mins of pleasure will seem like 45 minutes." Or something like that. I don't really remember the exact quote, just put it in quote to seem professional. There is wisdom in this, so guys, please take note. Stop talk! [inside joke] and start LISTEN (Beyonce)!
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More ridiculous, over-the-top scenes. Some roleplay, and random cannot-go (tak boleh blah) ness. It's farce farce farce, all the way. I don't even know what to say la. Just download it with subs or search for stream. It's worth a laugh or two and better than some konon-soft-porn-but-no-effect (to be reviewed soon after this) movies.
Now, if you're not a fan of farce, and prefer something a bit more 'realistic', this is one of the movies where it can't get closer to reality. 9 Songs, below, is for fans of alt. rock and indie movies. The two main actors actually had real intercourse throughout this movie, during the course of filming. I was so impressed by this degree of professionalism that I had to close my eyes and peek through my fingers during one of the more intimate moments. It's like peeping at your neighbors, friends, or something. Tak sanggup.
But what to do, so real. No Japanese moans. Only good music and good 'memories' here folks.
The Von Bondies & Franz Ferdinand were among my favorite bands featured in this. Skip the sex scenes for the concerts if you couldn't stand it (although we find them lovely and quite touching).
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| dvdbeaver.com |
Playful seduction. Impishness and cunning, ingenious tactics are hard to resist as you can see here.
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| sbs.com.au |
Siapa yang tak nak mandi setiap masa kalau macam ni?
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The point to this movie? Sometimes sex and relationship are like good rock concerts. Exhilarating and sweet but it all must end.
*Sad for two minutes*
But finally. Last but not least. The BEST movie EVER (so being sarcastic here).
This movie made me want to dig my own grave ba. Crawl into a lion's mouth. Complain non-stop to my imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously The Best Movie. Ever:
It's supposed to be a thriller, but the only thing 'thrilling' about this were shots of the protagonist, a husband who leads a double life due to his addiction to sex. And the only thing that made those shots the teeniest bit thrilling were the typical 'horror' background music they played over them.
Nothing in here but porn-like scenes (minus shots of intercourse n all) of the guy having the same boring mechanical style of 'rough' sex with women around town.
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| Guy: Say cheese, not aaa! |
You have no idea how rough this scene was. They were in a pub bathroom. This lady had to grab and smash almost everything in sight including lamps, mirrors and plastic-bathroom-flower vases in order to show her intense pleasure. On top of that, she screamed louder than those abang lelong lelong! at the pasar, until people outside got scared and ran out of the restaurant, thinking someone was being murdered. And as if that's not enough, the bartender even had to call 911.
People, please lar. Even if you want to have wild sex, no need roar like a hungry lion all the time and scare all the people around you lar. Aiyah so sampat (38) lar you all.
Kesian also to the protagonist, but padan muka to him. He got 'roared' at too, big time when his wife discovered his dirtyness. She really turned into a lion, we all got so scared and laughed out loud liao. We call her the '360 degrees' lion.
I feel like this is all due to his psychologist, who talked in whispering voices all the time, which is useless, annoying and did nothing to shake this guy into realizing the consequences of his action. Seriously, most annoying psychologist ever. Dunno if she was trying to seduce this guy or what ba.
Haihyahs. Sad lah. This was recommended by one of our friends from Myspace... don't think this is for us, and we didn't know what this movie was trying to be. Not steamy, not even close to being greasy. And in fact we were even eating really greasy food while watching this, but everything tasted SO dry. (Or maybe that was Aku Tak Insaf's cooking. Hihiks).
We prefer the top two instead, at least the ending for those was less excruciating.
But who knows. Give it a go, you guys might like it, especially if you like seeing old guys, MILFs and err... a giraffe. A giraffe reincarnated, according to ATI, even made an appearance in this movie. Oh God... feel so berdosa towards the giraffe typing this. But true story lar. See if you can spot it ok.
Aiyah. Better go watch Puteri Gunung Ledang lah.
Aku Yang Berdosa
i shall add that i don't think chopsticks played an important enough role in the movie to be given credit in the title. the only time it was used for non-food-related purposes, was when the female monk curiously sneaked into the room where the sleeping man was, to see what the snake looked like (fyi, an old shifu warned the nuns to stay away from men because there are hidden poisonous snakes in men that'll eat them up if they ever get close).
ReplyDeleteshe slowly pulled down his pants and terkejut because of what she saw:
"the snake is so big. so soft...Is it sleeping?"
she gatally wanted to touch the snake but she's still afraid of it. so she picked up the pair of chopsticks that's conveniently right by the man's side. so she used that to lift the snake.
the nun wasn't aware of it, but the man's awake, so was the snake. and oops!
"Shit! The snake spurts out poison. I'm poisoned. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA" and she ran away.
I wonder why they named the movie "sex and chopsticks". pepelik je
according to u, the nun is using the chopstick for lifting up the snake,that is the element for the movie to be title on...if she use a stick, many people tend to think that the stick is actually the man genitals part, so the chopstick is better,and, chopstick originally from there too....
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