No milk for you

A few days back, I shared a website about PMS management here. If you managed to check it out, good for you coz they have taken down the website. EverythingIDoIsWrong.org now redirects you to gotdiscussion.org. Boooooooo. What's so controversial about the ads? Just because they voiced out what most men really felt when they are the immediate victim of their women's PMS? Chill la feminists sekalian. Sikit2 nak feel offended. I don't think it's necessary for the board to apologize, but they did anyway. Pergh

Luckily another group of creatives created something better and make milk suddenly becomes more desirable than ever:

Milk:
- helps you take back what's yours
- satisfies your weird porn fantasies
- can be your wingman tonight
- makes you strong enough to hit her
- helps you objectify women

Pretty cool huh? But perhaps this poster will go along better with "Get her used to it". Don't you think so?

Thirsty for some extra-fat milk,
aku yg tak insaf

Ahhh..I'm ernie ernie

Recommending 2 catchy songs for you to party away the weekend. Jom heboh, people!

Gionnyscandal feat Maite - I'm horny



Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob 
I want to feel in my throat.

Pardon the not-so-perfect English. They're Italians after all. While you're at it, forgive the girl's accent too. Ah ah I'm ernie ernie (instead of horny). If not for the title, the lollipop sucking and whipped cream spraying, I might never get what she's singing.

Gionnyscandal..what a name. Hahaha. He's a cutie, isn't he? Not to mention he's kinda macho when he raps. If only I know what he's rapping, I might get ernie too.


Jackie Q - Ring Round the Rosey



Children: Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes we all fall down!

A ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy.
My little pocket is so fit and so damn cozy.
Ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy.
All the boys in town say I've the prettiest of posy.

Some blokes say that one hole is more than enough!
Then why did God give me two? Not including my nuff.
If you've got a pretty face and a pretty thing or two, you will find the most prestigious blokes are lining up to meet you!

1, 2, 3, 4 (Feels just like coming in the back door.)
5, 6, 7, 8 (Aaah, feels great!)

A Ring, a ring, around my dirty posy.
My rear pocket is so fit and so damn cozy.
Ring, ring, ring around my posy.
All the boys in town say I've the tautest of posies.

A lot of folks have said that this act is just for men; to them I say strap one on and let us ladies in!
What's the point of life if the gays have all the fun?
Just south of my front part; I will make you cum!

9, 10, 11, 12 (Feels so good, must be bad for my health.)
13, 14, 15, 16 (I'm soaking.)

A ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy.
My little pocket is so fit and so damn cozy.
Ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy.
All the boys in town say I've the prettiest of posies.

(instrumental)
Ring, ring around my rosy.
Ring, ring around my rosy.

Children: Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes we all fall down!
Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes we all fall down!

A ring around my rosy.
My pocket's so damn cozy. And my posy, my posy--I'm talkin' about my asshole!

From the movie Get Him to the Greek.

My favorite part is none other than:

A lot of folks have said that this act is just for men; to them I say strap one on and let us ladies in!
What's the point of life if the gays have all the fun?
Just south of my front part; I will make you cum!

Oh yea, let me in your posy, baby boy. hahahaha. But don't blame me if I can't make you cum. Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah takyah tunjukkan.


yang suddenly rajin update blog,
aku yg tak insaf

Pepeliks III

The Pepelik series is back, not due to popular demand though. Our blog readers semua segan2 and baik2. Tak pernah ada any kind of request, suggestion or demand. It's okay. I understand. I pun pendiam jugak.

Let's see what headlines make into our list (Note: Some of these are a little outdated. Dah lama simpan in the storeroom. Also pictures are not necessarily related to the contents.):

1. California (March): Rooftop sex in broad daylight.

Da bomb: it's a building on campus
 
Read the story here.

2. Germany (May): Female flasher can't be prosecuted, unless proved to be sexually aroused during the act

Oh yeah. You can never tell if we're aroused, faking orgasm or having the best sex ever. Women are invincible.

Read the story here.

3. Budapest (May): Insurance company held an orgy party to reward high achievers.

Obviously this isn't the picture that goes with the news. But the message is clear. Some, if not most, men are pigs. Anyway, it's a cool reward. Now I'm not sure if I prefer $ or sex for my year-end bonus. Aaaaaaa~~~dilemma

Read the story here.

4. Berlin (April) Sex toy triggers police alert

It's like kids calling the police when they hear moans & groans outside their parents' bedroom, thinking dad's hurting mum.

Read the story here.

5. Florida (July): Transgender students now have the option to be roommates with either gender

showing off their bikini tan lines

Untungggg. Nak become transgender so that I can room with a guy, ideally a handsome one of course.

Read the story here.

6. Germany (July): Hitler ordered sex dolls for his troops to prevent catching diseases from hookers

He's a tyrant, but you can't deny he's an understanding leader. Where to find a boss like him? I want male escorts to prevent myself from becoming clingy to a man (one of the biggest problems aku yg berdosa's facing now. Somebody help her, please)

Read the story here.

7. Oslo (June): Couples arrested for having sex in the middle of a service in Oslo Cathedral

"We had to pay a small fine or spend 16 days in jail. We chose the former because we didn't want to spend so long without having sex." Damn. Macho. Who's willing to impress me by doing the same thing in Malaysia?

Read the story here.

8. China (July): PhD Husband & Masters Wife clueless about sex

beware: baring like this can make you pregnant...kot

"Prior to their marriage, the couple did not dare hold hands and kiss as they thought the woman would get pregnant by doing so". Now I see why the pencegah maksiat group exists. It's for our own good. We'll get pregnant if we baring on our bf's lap in klcc park or by tasik titiwangsa. Macam tu rupanye. 

Read the story here.

Who's in the mood for some orange juice?



most pelik of all,
aku yg tak insaf

PMS Management For Dummies

Never really had any PMS symptoms before 21. God knows what happened after that. It just gets worse and worse. Almost every man in my life has been a victim at some point (or all the time for the more kesian ones). It's not hard to tell when I'm having my PMS coz even though I'm unreasonable by default, I'm way over the top when my darling hormones are in charge.

So, research says milk can help reduce the symptoms of PMS? I don't really buy that idea, but I love the campaign that encourages poor fellas who live with PMS to buy milk for their ladies who have crazy mood swings during that critical week of the month. I don't see why some people have to be so serious and call this sexism or stereotyping women. Stereotypes exist for a reason. So ladies, take it easy, laugh it off and just admit that we can be emotional bitches sometimes.

everythingidoiswrong.org, your home for PMS management, where we continuously analyze and compile data on the global state of PMS.

The five different expressions at the top of the page shows the intensity of each PMS Level:
Level 1 (Green): All is calm. Just like right before a storm
Level 2 (Blue): Be aware of potential slips-ups, but it seems ok.
Level 3 (Yellow): There's an elevated likelihood that you screwed something up
Level 4 (Orange): Be on high alert for verbal traps and questions about weight.
Level 5 (Red): Look out! Everything is wrong and it's all your fault.

Puppy Dog-Eye-Zer allows you to take a picture of your own and practice how to adjust the size of your eyes and the level of wateriness according to how messed up and sorry you are.

Sensitivity Vocabulator gives you suggestions on the choice of words that can save you from stinky stings.

Instead of "It's not my fault", try "Sorry"

Instead of "Consider my side", try "Sorry"

Instead of "Calm down", try "I love your spirit"

Pending apologies

Deepest regrets on my previous less deep regrets

It's not me, ok it's me. 

I'd like to apologize if that's ok

I was more equally at fault.

I wish I could turn back time and unchange the channel you were watching.

Words don't come close to expressing my regret and I'm sorry about that.

Please accept my apology, not that I'm telling you what to do.

I'm sorry for putting the glass somewhere you would knock over.

I'm sorry I forgot that our four-month anniversary is a month away.  

Sincere regrets for overlooking your new haircut 

I'm sorry I believed nothing was wrong when you said nothing was wrong.

I apologize for looking at the waitress that time I was ordering

I'm sorry I couldn't guess what I did wrong.


Pre-approved apologies

2 of my favorite pending apologies:
I'm sorry I believed nothing was wrong when you said nothing was wrong.
I'm sorry I couldn't guess what I did wrong.

That's so me.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"No, there must be something wrong. Tell me."
"Really nothing"
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"If there's anything, you must let me know ok?"
"Okay"
"Good." and go on to talk about something else
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. merajuk and become really cold for the next 30 minutes to 48 hours.


"You sound angry. Did I do something wrong?"
"Nope."
"But you seem really mad. I must have done something."
"Nothing"
"Tell me pleaseeee"
"You don't know?"
"No, tell me please"
"You really don't know?"
"Tell me la"
!@#$%^&* I'll give you time and space to figure out yourself. Until then, don't say anything that will provoke me even more


I'm ashamed to say that I'm just like a typical woman when it comes to this department. This is what happen about half of the time but there are of course other less skema and ridiculous PMS stories depending on who the provoker and victim is. The problem is though, sometimes the provoker and the victim are not the same person. It's simply tough luck and bad timing, nothing I can do about it. My brother's now one of the most successful PMS detectors among my victims. He can sense within 3 minutes from the time of eruption. He's well-trained. My sis's colleague is the only male in their department and for self-protection, he has a PMS calendar to keep track of the days he might get burned from explosion. I admit it takes patience for men to learn how to deal with and tolerate this PMS shit; it's not easy. But other than that, it's still a much better deal to live as a man than as a woman. Be thankful and love your woman more if she doesn't take you on a monthly emotional roller coaster ride.

I wonder how lesbian couples cope. Double PMS. Double trouble. Blueh

Be a man. Be a PMS hero.

Never my fault,
aku yg tak insaf

Fresh Flesh

Never quite get why aku yg berdosa likes American Apparel. I admit I didn't attempt to understand or try putting myself in her shoes, clothes, or bras. But now, I finally get it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, naked ones are worth a zillion words, buckets of saliva, long gazes, mind explosion and much much more. If she dressed like that at home, without doubt, I'd have succumbed to the charm of AA.

Y'know what's missing in all these pictures? Bras. If necessary, I can make a donation to AA. There's a C-cup bra mysteriously circulating between the 3 women at home. I first thought it was my mum's so I dumped it in her room. She confronted me and claimed it doesn't belong to her, and conveniently suspected it's my sis's. My sis denied and we decided to put it back in my mum's room. The bra hidup secara nomad for about 2 weeks and my mum finally concluded the bra belongs to aku yg berdosa and I accidentally brought it back with me. We're now waiting for aku yg berdosa to reclaim her bra. If she continues to be in denial, then we'll ship it to AA (padahal bukan brand AA pon).

Sometimes I wonder why some girls can be so bubbly and ..young. I was born with an old soul and appearance. I have never ever lived and acted like a teenage girl. Do I care? Not really. At least I won't look too different from now when I reach menopause. Typical me. Belum ada anak dah think about menopause, just like belum kahwin dah tau my husband will beat me up and belum masak lagi dah tau akan lapar after masak & makan. I'm a fortune teller, just like my mum.

Anyway, girls who look older than their age, like myself, are not for the normal, perverted guys who go crazy over young flesh. For normal guys like that, enjoy the fresh summer breeze.



Btw, don't be naive. Love is not funny. Sex is, love isn't.

If you didn't like the young ones, worry not. I have something else for ya.

Maybe this video suits you better.

The Terrifying Truth About Sex Chat Lines -- powered by Cracked.com


If none of these can attract you, you're either already in love with someone or you're just not into girls. Don't argue coz I know I'm right.


Not yet a C-cup but will be after I have a baby,
aku yg tak insaf

Kau Maid, Aku Mate

Tak tau since when maid became a hot topic between aku yg berdosa and me. Let's see...it could be after her recent complaint that she thinks she looks like a maid. Even if that's the case, to me, you're still a young, petite, and kawaii maid. My mum always puji aku yg berdosa's beauty while I look like a pig at best. But seriously, I don't think you look like a maid, especially after the haircut (yang unfortunately dah start kerinting at the ends). Oh well, tak pe, you tetap lawa.

So anyway, aku yg berdosa dengan kecohnye told me stories she heard from her part-time indon maid. I think it's better if she retells the stories herself coz they involve ice cream (her favorite dessert), appliances (she manjaly complained about how she felt like a handyman when we were domestic partners) and household chores (dia kan maid)-- she knows them best.

Coincidentally, 2 days ago New Straits Times had a feature story on the war between maid, sir and ma'am. Check out where the juice lies

******************************************************

"Although our Cambodian maid was not drop-dead gorgeous, I was attracted to her petite figure and demure character." After a couple of months, Adam's attraction towards the maid grew.

"I wouldn't say I am a pious man but neither would I have expected to be a cheating husband. It all started with an innocent brushing of hands when she passed me a cup of tea."


"I could see that she was not the type to say 'no' to requests. So, when I asked her politely if she would sleep with me, she said okay.


"We started having more and more afternoon 'sessions' while the kids took their naps."Adam said: "As much as I tried to stop, I couldn't. Soon, I found myself taking more and more risks. I would even try to get the maid into bed while the kids were watching television in the living room. I knew we could get caught, but that was part of the excitement. However, the baffled and confused look on my eldest son's face when he walked in on us one day was all it took."


"It was a good thing my son didn't say anything about it to my wife. But from that day, I stopped sleeping with the maid. I realised that I was hurting two innocent victims.

******************************************************

"I always knew my husband had a roving eye and would constantly get attention from his female colleagues. But I expected him to have some standard in choosing his affairs."

"When our first maid confessed that she had slept with my husband, I accused her of lying."

"I packed her bags and asked her to leave. I was under the impression that she only wanted to 'divide and conquer' the family.

"But when our replacement maid's new bed broke, I got suspicious. She was a skinny and small-sized girl and it didn't seem possible for her to break a bed on her own."

Shana's suspicions were confirmed when she caught her husband sneaking out of their bedroom in the middle of the night one day.

"A part of me didn't want to accept what that might mean, but I had to know. After a couple of minutes, I opened my maid's bedroom door and found him on top of her.

"Needless to say, he was dumbfounded and could not weasel his way out of it.

"I filed for divorce and am now happily remarried to an honest, loyal and trustworthy man."

******************************************************

Damn. Imagine I lose my man to a maid. How embarrassing. Tau la I'm neither skinny nor demure. But if you need to have an affair, let it be someone else. Mind you, she's my helper, not yours. And pwetty please, leave the gardener, electrician and plumber alone too.

Let Prince William teach you guys how to be a man.

William & Kate to live without servants

His insistence on doing his own cooking and washing up is in stark contrast to his father, the Prince of Wales, who employs 149 staff, of whom 25 are classed as personal staff for himself, the Duchess of Cornwall and Princes William and Harry.

They include butlers, chauffeurs, valets and chefs and are paid a total of £6.3 million.

The BBC journalist Jeremy Paxman claimed in a book about the royal family that the Prince had four servants in attendance to help him get dressed every morning, and that one aide squeezed his toothpaste onto his brush for him and another once held a bottle while he produced a urine sample.

Honestly, I don't mind if my man doesn't do the cooking and washing. But it'll be a huge turn-on if he knows how to fix things around the house. Men nowadays totally fail in Kemahiran Hidup. God, if you give me someone like William, I'll walk down the aisle with him in this awesome dress. I promise.

Need to lose weight to fit in that wedding dress,
aku yg tak insaf