All Ladies Do It - 1992

"Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening"

- Così fan tutte (1992)

To the fans of cult, you surely must have heard of Caligula. We've browsed through the gore that is Caligula, and so we were surprised that it was directed by the same Italian director who did Cheeky, which we featured some months ago. Ah, Tinto Brass. What an obsessed man. 

ATI put this movie on our queue without my knowing, her reason for choosing it is solely based on the poster you see below. "I dunno la. I saw the butt and just decided to see the movie." That's what she said!

You should do that to. 

Cosi fan tutte is inspired by that masterpiece of Mozart. The genre here is supposedly erotic comedy, but we think Tinto made this movie for his own amusement. Nuckall betul dia ni. Tinto's so obsessed with butts and genitalia. Which is good in a way kot, making this movie into a very educational one even for us, because you don't always get to see the hairy monsters that people hide under their pants/skirts. Senang cite just watch this if you're really interested.

So what happens when a husband is unawares of his wife's wild sexual desires? She goes out and have more, of course. Yeah, all ladies seriously do it. 

They all wear this useless bra in their bedrooms while writing letters of heartache. 

But this is a good wife lar. All her sexual adventures is so she could bring her 'fantasies' to the bedroom, in the end to please the husband who sort of looks like somebody's soon to may, or may not be, ex. This alone is enough to make me give this movie a thousand stars. The husband ni bila balik rumah, turned on by the wife's cerita of nakal things she did... little did he know that they are not just made-up stories, but real life experiences kot, HAAAA. Sampat terus I. 

For example, she went to this poem reciting event by a celebrated poetess. Since we were so awed by the poem and it's "deepness", we decided to type up the most interesting parts for you: 

I'd like to fuck you

and not touch you

and loose-tongued, 

make a chant resound 

among the uncertain hairs of your ass.

(Whoaa, me and ATI seriously went "whaaat uncertain hairs of your ass???? Whoaaa")

I'd like to stuff dancing cunts in your mouth. 

… and down between your balls

suck your cock into my heartache. 

(Must be some passionate bj)

Lick your knees, 

and upwards to your heart.

(Sure, we all know the location of a man's heart)

After the poem, the wife was inspired to have this adventure. Tu tattoo lips, so bila 'pirate' ni move his hands, it looks like someone's lips is moving all over her butt. Scandalous gileww. Anyway guys take note, this is how to gross out your partners ya. 

After this, the wife became obsessed la pulak to get her backside door virginity taken. Eww. Not everyone is into this okay, clearly this is mostly a guy's nuckall fantasy. Don't know who'd really like anything up their asses, seriously. 

She requested the husband to do it, but he won't. So, dia lari lah mencari orang lain. Padan muka the husband, who looks like someone's ex (maybe). 

So I will not lie. This is the best, most impressionable kissing scene I ever saw my entire life. These two mouths seriously have chemistry. Such a passionate and needy kiss yet gentle and beautifully choreographed at the same time. Claudia Koll kissed a lot of men and more in this movie, but it made me wonder if she has something going on with this guy. Terus I sampat larr weii, this scene. 

Last but not least here's a sample of what you will see more of in the movie. Personally I can't forgive myself if I were to be photographed with my underarms in that state, but it sends a good hippie message la. Why would you shave away God's gift kan? Plus shave bumps are damn nasty, so seriously if a guy doesn't mind the 'Jane' look I'd be so damned terharu. Wax strips are getting more and more expensive lar these days.



DL Links:

http://www.filez.st/file.php?id=MjQxNDc2
http://www.vo2ov.com/Cosi-Fan-Tutte-1992-iTALiAN-DVDRip-x264_1028812.html
http://fenopy.com/torrent/cosA+fan+tutte+aka+all+ladies+do+it+tinto+brass+1992+/MTc3ODIwOQ

Important Life Lesson

For the first time, this blog is sharing some really useful advice with our, openly or secretly, sexually curious readers. 

Guys/gays, share this with your gf/bf if your adik desires better treatment, but make sure your lady tak terasa she's not doing a good job. It's a risk you have to take. You might end up getting nothing for quite some time, if your girl is as unforgiving as me and likes to merajuk. 

Ladies, apply the techniques only when your man deserves the best. Don't go all out for guys who are not even willing to go down on you. It's only fair if he appreciates what you're doing to take care of his little brother and reciprocates.

4chan.org

Believe it or not. If you don't forward this post to 10 people you love within the next 10 minutes, you'll not receive a bj for the next 10 years. I mean it.

the caregiver,

aku yg tak insaf

Don't play-play ah!!

As a child, happiness came to me usually in the form of a new toy. My favorites were Legos, a toy horse and three Power Ranger figurines that I share with my siblings. Playtime was all the time, and our fantasies were boundless. I'm sure you guys could still remember your favorite toys too, and that warm feeling they used to give you kan?

I used to have this fear of growing up, thinking that adult life would be boring, toy-less and no fun at all. Boy, was I shocked to discover the kind of toys that are available for adults these days, and the kind of games that they get played with! (No wonder there are some grown ups that still get spanked.)

As open minded as I try to be, still can't believe that some of these exist. But then again, tacky and scary to me, might be thrilling and sexy as hell to others. Without further ado, courtesy of Cracked.com, THE 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys. 

Here are a few highlights:

At number 11, The Tongue Vibrator: 

I find this the most disturbing of all. Look at how life-like this tongue is. Can you bear to have a mechanical thing made to look like a human organ lapping all over you? Well, Aku Tak Insaf sure can. This is her favorite out of the lot and if she had to choose, she'd probably buy this one. I was flabbergasted to say the least. 

Fun Website Quote:

"The sweet licking motion provides endless and tireless rhythm"

To guys who face the huge dilemma of whether or not to use both hands on the steering wheel while driving, check out the AUTO SUCK. 

"Designed to be plugged into any car cigarette lighter"

Better make sure your driving instructor does not own this. Or THIS!

Just cannot tahan the fun website quote:

Fun Website Quote:

"Smaller than the real thing, this foot is ideal to keep in your drawer and take with you on those long business trips!!"


Read More

Think you've seen enough? Wait till you scroll down to number one. And yes, is the MOTHER of all Horrors. I don't even know what to call this. The people who made it call it, Mr. Jack with Mustache.

Bonjour Monsieur. Say "aaaa"

Aargh. Why would anyone ever NEED this kind of thing? Kill me now, and kill me fast. Don't think I'll be able to recover if I find my guy and his pal Mr. Jack. No thank you, Sir. 

PS/ Coming soon, the weirdest NSFW fetish featuring something you would not believe...


Off to find my human play-thing,
aku yg berdosa

A Wasted Steamy Weekend, or Belum Masak Lagi Dah Tau Akan Lapar (lepas masak tu)

For some reason, our attitude towards life and responsibilities have been really lax this week. What better way, then, to make use of time then to blindly go through a series of movies with no sense of purpose or direction, other than to serve you mysterious readers out there.

Sometimes in life, we need to experience varieties in order to fully appreciate things. Well, our selection this time each has its own uniqueness... please read on to find out. Janganlah tekan video je ye. Although that is okay too, since Aku Tak Insaf has spent so much time and energy searching for them. Hehe.

First in store is probably the funniest. We'd say this would be the kind of thing to put on the DVD when you have a bunch of friends (secretly horny idiots) around to entertain. It's farce, it's funny, and it features girls with varying boob size for the satisfaction of a wide range of audience. Guys will love this as well, as there is absolutely no birdie in sight, only oysters. For fans of Sex and Zen, and Japanese AV, history, legends, period movies and whatnot.

The Forbidden Legend: Sex and Chopsticks (2008) 

The lucky guy. He has no time to think of ex-lovers. Goes around shattering hearts with his warm gun. Pursues work in government for money, power and extra leisure time. How smart.

hkcinemagic.com

This scene might not be as haram as you'd think. That's his wife on top, and she clearly approves.

This, however is haraaaaammmm super duper haram. What is he doing, you ask? Why, answering a female monk's (nun) prayers of course. 

An awkward moment for the two of us. ATI had to run away to avoid seeing this. A glimpse of one of the most disgusting, ancient fetishes ever. If you have not heard of foot binding... well you should visit this blog more often to not miss out on other important life lessons. This, however, is an unrealistic depiction of a bound foot. I hope they did not use a child for this. To my future husband, you massage my feet every night pun cukup lah ye. Tak perlu sampai macam ni. Hihiks. 

Since most of you visual animals don't bother to read anyway, here are videos for you to get an idea of what made us laugh so much. For the full experience, however, we encourage you to buy/download/stream the movie so you get a sense of the storyline yang so deep and mendalam. 

Hot Scenes from Sex And Chopsticks I - part-1

Uploaded by linpagla. - Get intimate with more sexy videos.

Son witnesses parents having sex. Mother dies shortly afterwards. This movie is so unrealistic, the son didn't even got sad or traumatized afterwards. Sabar je la. Instead, he grew up with lessons on how to make his gun turn into steel. Geez. Dad was also so relaxed. He told the son, "Son, all you need to satisfy women is your [thing]. Learn how to get into their hearts and minds, and 15 mins of pleasure will seem like 45 minutes." Or something like that. I don't really remember the exact quote, just put it in quote to seem professional. There is wisdom in this, so guys, please take note. Stop talk! [inside joke] and start LISTEN (Beyonce)!

Hot Scenes from Sex And Chopsticks I - part-2

Uploaded by linpagla. - Check out sexy vids. Caution - NSFW!

More ridiculous, over-the-top scenes. Some roleplay, and random cannot-go (tak boleh blah) ness. It's farce farce farce, all the way. I don't even know what to say la. Just download it with subs or search for stream. It's worth a laugh or two and better than some konon-soft-porn-but-no-effect (to be reviewed soon after this) movies.

Now, if you're not a fan of farce, and prefer something a bit more 'realistic', this is one of the movies where it can't get closer to reality. 9 Songs, below,  is for fans of alt. rock and indie movies. The two main actors actually had real intercourse throughout this movie, during the course of filming. I was so impressed by this degree of professionalism that I had to close my eyes and peek through my fingers during one of the more intimate moments. It's like peeping at your neighbors, friends, or something. Tak sanggup.

But what to do, so real. No Japanese moans. Only good music and good 'memories' here folks.

9 songs (2004)

The Von Bondies & Franz Ferdinand were among my favorite bands featured in this. Skip the sex scenes for the concerts if you couldn't stand it (although we find them lovely and quite touching).

dvdbeaver.com

Playful seduction. Impishness and cunning, ingenious tactics are hard to resist as you can see here.

sbs.com.au

Siapa yang tak nak mandi setiap masa kalau macam ni?

Margo Stilley in naughty sex scene

Uploaded by nightdreams. - Get intimate with more sexy videos.

9 Songs Trailer - The most popular videos are a click away

The point to this movie? Sometimes sex and relationship are like good rock concerts. Exhilarating and sweet but it all must end.

*Sad for two minutes*

But finally. Last but not least. The BEST movie EVER (so being sarcastic here).

This movie made me want to dig my own grave ba. Crawl into a lion's mouth. Complain non-stop to my imaginary boyfriend.

Seriously The Best Movie. Ever:

Diary of a Sex Addict (2001)

It's supposed to be a thriller, but the only thing 'thrilling' about this were shots of the protagonist, a husband who leads a double life due to his addiction to sex. And the only thing that made those shots the teeniest bit thrilling were the typical 'horror' background music they played over them.

Nothing in here but porn-like scenes (minus shots of intercourse n all) of the guy having the same boring mechanical style of 'rough' sex with women around town.

Guy: Say cheese, not aaa!

You have no idea how rough this scene was. They were in a pub bathroom. This lady had to grab and smash almost everything in sight including lamps, mirrors and plastic-bathroom-flower vases in order to show her intense pleasure. On top of that, she screamed louder than those abang lelong lelong! at the pasar, until people outside got scared and ran out of the restaurant, thinking someone was being murdered. And as if that's not enough, the bartender even had to call 911.

People, please lar. Even if you want to have wild sex, no need roar like a hungry lion all the time and scare all the people around you lar. Aiyah so sampat (38) lar you all.

Kesian also to the protagonist, but padan muka to him. He got 'roared' at too, big time when his wife discovered his dirtyness. She really turned into a lion, we all got so scared and laughed out loud liao. We call her the '360 degrees' lion.

I feel like this is all due to his psychologist, who talked in whispering voices all the time, which is useless, annoying and did nothing to shake this guy into realizing the consequences of his action. Seriously, most annoying psychologist ever. Dunno if she was trying to seduce this guy or what ba.

Haihyahs. Sad lah. This was recommended by one of our friends from Myspace... don't think this is for us, and we didn't know what this movie was trying to be. Not steamy, not even close to being greasy. And in fact we were even eating really greasy food while watching this, but everything tasted SO dry. (Or maybe that was Aku Tak Insaf's cooking. Hihiks).

We prefer the top two instead, at least the ending for those was less excruciating.

But who knows. Give it a go, you guys might like it, especially if you like seeing old guys, MILFs and  err... a giraffe. A giraffe reincarnated, according to ATI, even made an appearance in this movie. Oh God... feel so berdosa towards the giraffe typing this. But true story lar. See if you can spot it ok.

Aiyah. Better go watch Puteri Gunung Ledang lah.

yang dah bekpest,
Aku Yang Berdosa

Get out of your bed: Beachy sex

Previously on Get-out-of-your-bed....

(this is not a tv drama, so don't expect a recap. To read the previous post, click here)

Inspired by our reader, DJ Leonard, let's put on our swimwear and head down to the beach for some fun.

Most people, I assume, have fantasized about having sex on a deserted/private beach or at night when it's pitch dark. Don't know if we should blame the French for popularizing nude beaches or the movies/porns for making beach sex looks so hot and romantic. 

Burgers"R"Us

We've been eating a lot recently and I wishfully think that writing a food post will help shed some of those excessive calories. As i'm typing this, I can feel the layer of fat around my waist slowing folding inward and settling in. sorry, that's gross.

To express my apology, I'm going to show you some reasonably sinful burgers that I came across online. These are only reasonably sinful because the wicked king in the world of burgers is still the 8000 calories Heart Attack Burger we introduced earlier on.

1. Burger King's New York Pizza burger

foodbeast.com

Americans love pizzas and burgers. The person who came up with this idea must have had enough deciding between pizza and burger for lunch. So voila, Burger King created the Pizza Burger to resolve the long-time dilemma. 4 Whopper patties, pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, marinara sauce and Tuscan pesto sauce all under the roof of a 24cm sesame bun. Total up to more than 2,500 calories and 2x the daily limit of saturated fat and sodium if you finish the whole pie. You only find this in New York's Times Square (mind you, not just any Times Square like..ehem...Berjaya Times Square). Other than the arrangement, I can hardly see anything unique in this BK special. Could have made it greasier than this

2. KFC's Double Down

Replacing the buns with 2 slabs of fried chicken and adding 2 pieces of bacon, melted cheese and mayo. Some people estimated the Double Down = 2 McD Big Mac. Oh well, who cares.  As long as it's good. Look at the melted cheese..must be enjoying being sandwiched by the ever-so-good kfc chicken, like a man enjoys stuffing his face between a woman's breasts (or buttocks, if you prefer the back door).

dailymail.co.uk

As a sidenote, creative food fans have improvised and created an experimental burger. 5 layers of chicken skin, melted cheese and bacon between sandwich buns. I think it actually looks more appealing than the double down and who doesn't love fried chicken skin? It's true love if you love that something/someone even when you know very well how bad it/the person is for you. KFC, I love you, really.

Skinwich from foodbeast.com

3.  Burgers with a sweet twist

Foodbeast's nutella double double bacon cheeseburger

Another creative invention. There's nutella, bacon and double double (double meat double cheese) burger. Not sure what to think of the burger itself. But I like messy burgers and especially with nutella, it's hard to not create a mess. Eat this with your partner and don't worry about having nutella all over your lips/face to give him/her an excuse to lick it off. Who knows, you might be busy making out with your partner before you have time to finish the burger.

Krispy Kreme Cheese burger

These are the Krispy Kreme Donut Burgers, with of course donuts, meat patty, bacon and cheese. Argh, even greasy food fanatic like me find this repulsive and unholy, especially when you see a mass/mess like this. But you can't judge a burger or donut or donut burger by its appearance. Because with a little cosmetics, they can look much more appetizing:

Luther's Bacon Cheeseburger + Glazed Donuts

Paula Deen's Ladies Brunch Burger

Paula Deen's burger looks so sticky, greasy and yummy. The perfect burger after sex. A little sweet and salty at the same time, just like the combination of pleasure and sweat in sex. mmmmmm..

4. Electronic burger
Just kidding. It's a 4 port USB Chicken Burger Hub.

foodbeast.com

That's a lot of meat in one post. Time to take a break and balance it with some veggies.

"Veggie Love" Banned Super Bowl Ad - The top video clips of the week are here

Refuse to believe that vegetarians have better sex,
aku yg tak insaf

It's Showtime

A great, award-winning movie...

Showgirls (1995)

Yep, the best movie ever. In fact, this movie has won so many awards in the Oscar..for horrible films aka the Golden Raspberry Award (Razzies). Worst film, worst picture, worst actress, worst director...this movie won them all. To top that, here are some of its other achievements:

(source: IMDB)
1. Razzies record holder: 13 nominations and 7 wins in 1996 (and won the 8th in 2000)
2. The director (Paul Verhoeven) was the first director to tun up in person to collect Worst Direct and Worst Picture
3. Listed as one of the Top Ten Best Bad Films (argh..that's a mouthful) ever made in The Official Razzie Movie Guide

as a sidenote, "Elizabeth Berkley was paid only $100,000 for playing the lead in the film. When a special V.I.P. edition boxed set was released she requested $2,500 to be interviewed. They declined." DAMN. haha

Given these background information, do you really care what the story is about? Read wiki if you really need to. Let's cut the crap and go straight to the steamy scenes (listed in order of increasing intensity)

1. the "I have towels" dance


TEASING 37 (Elizabeth Berkley in 'Showgirls')
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2. The (in)famous pool sex scene
You might have seen this before and it might be famous for a bad reason. In fact, some people have listed it as one of the worst orgasms in movies. Elizabeth Berkeley was so out of control that she looked like a dying dolphin struggling to stay alive. Can't stand the guy's butt either.


Elizabeth Berkley
Uploaded by DaSugarMan. - Get intimate with more sexy videos.

Of course, anything as crazy as this deserves a remake..(oh god, i miss the gang in Another Gay Movie)

Watch this video on VideoSurf or see more Videos or Kyle Maclachlan Videos

3. the steamy lapdance


Elizabeth Berkley - Showgirls (lapdance)
Uploaded by LACARTEAUTRESOR. - Get intimate with more sexy videos.

That's one hell of a lap dance. Probably one of the hottest I've seen so far. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the guy in the video. I couldn't get over the fact that he's Orson Hodge in Desperate Housewives (DH). I almost felt like he betrayed Bree (his wife in DH)

Despite the awards, I think the movie isn't all that bad if you don't take it seriously and are not expecting too much except for some cheap steaminess. lousy acting (Elizabeth Berkeley gets upset and mad ALL THE TIME, even her dances look aggressive), predictable plot, shallow dialogue etc etc, but at least we didn't find it difficult to watch and there's a fair amount of boobs to keep you guys happy. There's no lack of porn elements in here: silly orgasms (from the pool sex), subtle girl-on-girl, unpleasant gang rape, sexy (strip, pole, lap) dances, plenty of young (and some old) flesh..It'd help too if you like Vegas stage performances. I don't mind watching a second time if I have nothing better to do.

Plot: 3.5/10

Sex: 7.5/10

Feeling unsexy,
aku yg tak insaf